A letter from January 4th, 2021

Dear Justin, We made it through 2020 though it seemed like we wouldn’t many times. We bought our first home and struggled so much more than I thought we would. I remember being so excited to live together and I guess I live in a fantasy world inside my head because I didn’t expect it to be so hard. I want to take a moment to talk about some of our memories here in our first year. We had our first anniversary in our home together. Valentine’s Day, we went to outback and broke my tequila sunrise glass bc we were sliding my phone all over the table. It was so embarrassing 😂 For your birthday we went to the aquarium and had milkshakes. On Mother’s Day you absolutely surprised me with flowers and cards and gifts and I felt so lucky to have you. Our first summer here, the kids were gone for a lot of the break and we got to just have no responsibilities besides work. When I got fired from my city job, you held me while I cried and emotionally supported me while I stayed home for awhile. I was so grateful for your support in that super rough time. We went to Tim’s for 4th of July and watched fireworks with Natalie. You helped me celebrate both kids birthdays even though we couldn’t do much because of covid. They had great days and having you with us made it better. You were amazing for my birthday. We went to the Cheesecake Factory and you got me my necklace which I cherish. I love having your name on me and it makes me feel closer to you. In the fall we went to a pumpkin patch and apple and peach picking before that. Halloween was the best I’ve ever experienced. We drank and walked the kids all over the neighborhood. It’s January and we STILL have candy from Halloween. It was such a fun night. For thanksgiving, we stayed home and made Turkey and ham and just way too much food for the three of us. You got me into mimosas. It was such a nice relaxing holiday. We got to go to the farm and get our first Christmas tree and its way too big and beautiful. Then for Christmas we had freaking covid and we all stayed home. We made a ham that I couldn’t taste (thanks covid) and opened presents. I love my ring. It isn’t an engagement ring tho I made plenty of jokes about it. But I wear it on the third finger of my left had as a sign of my commitment to you. It brings me peace and love and joy and hope when I feel it there. And then we spent NYE in bed watching the and relaxing together. 2020 wasn’t all happy family moments. This year was tumultuous. It was, at times an uphill battle. I left my family and friends behind. Your best friend died. We fought. We nearly broke up. We hated each other sometimes. We have a lot of work to do. Your anger and my emotions don’t mix well. I truly hope that by the time you’re reading this, we have found balance. I hope we are happy and stronger together. Right now it’s January 4th 2021. It’s 9:35am. A Monday. Aiden is at school and Natalie is in her room doing her online classes. You just rolled over in bed and put your arm over me, asleep so peacefully. This is one of those moments I cherish. Im starting to cry. I love you so deeply. I want to marry you. I want to be your wife and be at your side every day until I die. I truly truly do. I hope we make it. I hope you receive this in five years and we are a solid family unit. I hope we get married and you become a father. I hope you are at a point where you feel like a stepfather to my kids. I hope we are happy and in good health. I have so much hope and love in my heart. I don’t want to lose you. I love you, madly. —Jamie