A letter from January 2nd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, so, yeah, here we are! i mean, im in january 2nd, 2021, at almost 20:30, you are 5 years from now, we are the same pearson tho. just so you don't have to do the math, im turning 15 this year, sounds crazy rigth, i never thought i'd be 15 someday. this is the first time i write a letter for myself - or for you, or future me, okay you got it, back to the point -, i just felt like writing this because you know, after this **** year we call 2020, i kinda need this to get over it, cause it really knocked me down sometimes. 2020 made me feel powerless, small and useless, i kept on seeing on the news peoples dying, people getting sick, the governament not even caring about it, all of the social problems started to hit me stronger and god, it was hard not beeing able to do much, i mean, i stayed at home and took care of myself and my loved ones, but it felt like i could be doing more, execpt for the fact that i couldn't. the pandemic still going on, we got a vaccine, not in brasil yet. i have an formed opinion about this, brasil's situation, the world's situation, but i don't feel ready to express it, cause everytime i do it, someone has to arguee or discuss with me, and say that im too young for that, that hits me hard. another thing that came up to me this year were is body issues. i just couldn't see myself, my body as enough, like i always wanted to change something. my sholders are too big, im fat, i don't like my nose and my legs, i was even able to spend a week throwing up everithing that i ate. now i kinda get it, im working on it, not trying to love my body and its shape, just trying to accept it, and im gonna tell you, its not easy, everyone tells you something and it hurts, oh it hurts sooo bad, im not gonna give up tho, i need to understand that that is my body, im gonna live my hole life with it, and its through it i can feel everithing i feel, and its amazing. i also found out that i can take care of myself, i do well on my own, i can protect me, i can consolate me and i can make me happy. of course i love to be with others, like i love beeing able to help and communicate with another human beeing, but i learnd how to feel good alone, i learnd to like speending time and taking care of myself. well, i've already talked a lot about my-now-self, but i just want you to know that, other than everyone else, i do not expect anything from you, i know that we are super capable of doing anything we want, but i don't want you to feel pressured, trust me i know its hard cause i feel it too, but you're fine, you do it on your time. just know that you are loved, and important, and able to do anything. i hope you think about me sometimes, and when you do, you feel satisfied and glad to remember. i realy, truly and sincerely love you with all my body, heart, mind and soul. with love, paula.