A letter from January 3rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I don't know who you are, even though we are the same person. I know you better than anyone else, yet I still feel like I don't know myself. I have many passions and hobbies, yet I don't feel like I am doing anything with my life. School is consuming all my time, and the Coronavirus is not helping me any. I sit inside all day on the computer working on schoolwork and sit on the all night after I complete it for the day. It's not much of a life. I feel like I am wasting all my time, yet I am not doing anything to combat that. I did get a gym membership, but as of late I have been too busy to attend. I hope you have stayed committed to being healthy and working out, because right now I have been lacking, severely. It’s crazy. I sit here writing this letter and I am watching time fly by. I remember being small and I couldn’t wait to grow up and be like all the older kids. Well, I’m here now. It is not what I ever had in mind, but it’s better than not doing anything at all. Time really has flown by. Right now, 5 years seems like an eternity, however you will be reading this letter after you have forgotten about it. You will probably look back and think 5 years ago? Has it already been 5 years? I hope you realize that life is short, even though in the moment it seems like it will drag on. There is a lot of things I want you to read and be able to think back on, so this isn't going to be a short letter. Right now, I look around and think about everything I've done in my life to this date, while you think of it as a memory. It's shocking, really, to think about where I may end up, the friendships that may be formed or broken, relationships I may get in and what the world will be like in five years. It's difficult to process. I don't have a real reason for writing this letter, but I think it is one way for me to look back on life in five years and see how it all has changed. You may have forgotten everything I am currently doing, and that's okay, it formed who you are today. After 23 years of living, I have yet to discover what I want to do in life. I am perusing a degree that I never wanted, but at this point it is too late to not finish it (16 total weeks of schooling left). Based off the current classes I have, I don't think I want to use the degree. I wanted to do a trade, or something that I was able to see the results of. I do not want to be a paper pusher, and I hope that is not what you are doing now. I hope in the five years between this letter you figure it out and are doing something you enjoy. If not, maybe it is time to change your career, as difficult as that is. I hope you did the hard work while I sit here stressing about it. I am very worried about where I will be in 5 years. I often think about a quote. "Why worry about something that will not matter in 5 years". As true as that is, it's tough to not worry when it is currently consuming your life. Even after 5 years, you could be in the same position I am now. Lost, clueless and being strangled by worry. It's okay to be lost, you just haven't found your true purpose yet. It will come, one day. You just need to believe that you have gotten to be 28 years old and have made it that far successfully. Let's talk about friendships. Right now, at this moment in my life, I can count on 2 hands the number of friends that I truly care about. I do not need many, however I hope you find out who is truly there for you and who isn't. You have had a few best friends for many years of your life, and I hope you were able to keep those friends close, even if your paths are different. If you have people there who care about you, you have everything in the world. I think the way we view friendships and relationships is a little bit broken. When we find someone, who makes us feel something really strongly, or powerfully, or amazingly, we just want to hold on to that for as long as we can. That’s not realistic. Maybe instead of focusing so hard of holding onto the feeling, maybe we should just be present in the feeling. What I mean by this is do not dwell on something that you cannot control. Let it be in your memory, but do not let it consume your time and life. Life isn’t made of long-term commitments; it is made up of moments. I’ve had many moments that should have just stayed moments, but I have dragged out into long-term things. It’s okay if a friendship doesn’t last for 20 years. If you enjoy the time you had with the person, then that should be the only thing on your mind. As difficult as it is to say, maybe I should just let the past be in the past and hold onto the memories we shared together. I hope you figure out who your true friends are. If someone truly values you and want you in their life, they will not put themselves in a position to lose you. Just remember, we suffer more in our mind than we do in reality. Try to minimize the amount of overthinking you do, I know it is difficult, I have dealt with it for many years now. Do not be afraid to reach out to your true friends and talk. It is currently January 2nd, 2021, 7:35 in the evening. You finished writing your daily journal for today about five minutes ago. I hope you have continued to do that. I hope you go back and read the past letters you have written and compare it to your day to day life now. Did you overcome many challenges? Have you succeeded? Do you have what you want and need or are you still wanting more? I guess there is only one way to find out. I hope you are happy, healthy, and are in a relationship with someone you truly and deeply love. If not, there is no rush. The right person will come into your life, now may not be the time. Focus on yourself and continue to strive for greatness. Do not let others steal your joy.