A letter from January 2nd, 2021

Dear older me, last night I was in a panic about college again. I don't really want to put myself through another four years of school right after making it out of high school. College in Vienna didn't sound as appealing as it did a few months ago. I'm thinking about taking a gap year. Move to Vienna, get an apartment, and then live. No school, no grades, no stress. Find yourself a part time job just as you would if you were studying, and then enjoy the city! You'll be able to accomplish and experience so much without the pressure of studying. And maybe, after a year off, you'll feel rested and motivated enough to go back to school. Or maybe you'll have gotten a taste of real life and the "starving artist" trope and decided you never want to take another test again. Who knows? It could be so amazing. You'd finally be immersed in German again, and you'd get better at the dialect. Every morning, head to the bakery for fresh bread with the sunrise. Get a bike at a second hand store! Take the U-Bahn to anywhere in the city. Do some photography, maybe try to earn a little money. You could find a small store to work the cash register at, maybe sell some prints of your art. Develop your cooking skills with no one around to wrinkle their nose at the colossal mess that emerged from the pot. And maybe you can snag an internship, or pop into some of the open lectures at the TU Wien. It makes me so envious to think about what you could do, especially now, when I'm sitting in the middle of a pandemic, waiting to start school again, spending my days wasting away in front of my computer as the tiny boxes on the screen refused to unmute or speak up. Maybe you could take two years off. Head to Berlin in the second year. Or even study in Berlin. Express yourself through graffiti in the city's burgeoning urban art scene. Connect with the legacy of the East German punks you're learning so much about. Go back to the playgrounds of your childhood. I'm sick of the US. I've got friends here, who I cherish, but in the end every day I spend here becomes a little more monotonous. I want to graduate and I want to leave. I want to grab a Eurorail ticket, hop on a train, and go. Maybe one day I'll visit the US, catch a freight train out and see the West. But that's a long time away. Remember this when you get back into your panic about college. Maybe by this time the decisions will have come and gone, and you'll have applied for early decision somewhere and be happy and excited, heading to the college of your dreams. Likely not. Before you apply to Vienna, think about the gap year and the possibilities. I hope you made it out alive :)