A letter from January 1st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, 01.01.2021 The first day. Difficult. My bad thoughts suddenly came. They said: I want to go. It hurts. I want to go. Here it is stifling and painful. Even when I'm eating, I want to cry. This bad thought. They don't want to be lost. I hate myself too. Everybody hates. I really hate myself. I want to follow this thought. It really hurts. But, it doesn't feel fair. But, it hurts too much. I am tired. I really, hate, myself.