A letter from December 30th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, So....today's a particularly bad day. I may or may not have tripped the steps because I was hungry. I really hope whenever you get this, you're over your crazy attitude when hungry. It has gotten you in more unnecessary arguments than you can handle. FFS honestly you're upset today because of a lot of things. One of which was hunger...another being that you had to tell your friend about the break up and you really didn't want to. Your moods are all over the place lately, TV wasn't distracting you long enough, books were annoying you (yes it's quite possible.), music wasn't calming your soul fast enough. I understand everything takes time but I really hope you're somewhat okay by now. This has become the hardest thing to get over. I always thought if and when we broke up, I'd be fine...ultimately I think I am but it's all the little things that get to me. The random things that happen that you want to share with the other person. The random dates you miss going on. The loneliness that chills you to the bone and never really leaves you. The hardest part of all this is the constant thoughts about you not being good enough. I mean he did say forever right? Yes...I know other people survive this all the time and loads of people go through this everyday and some of them have it worse...but regardless of whatever logic I try to use...it still is the most crappiest thing to happen to me. I can't even believe he moved on that fast. And don't forget the fact that he thought I would always still be an option...like F that...no no NO!!!! I pray to God I'm not stupid enough to put myself through that again...in this lifetime or the next. I guess it could have been worse....*sigh* So...enough about my current troubles...I bet you have new worries to deal with. I sincerely hope you would have found options..finding a soulmate is ideal but right now I can't see that ever happening. Options though..that could be a thing. Yes...you're an emotional creature that runs on empty most times..but I hope that you're at least somewhat happier than I am today. I hope you haven't forgotten the friends that stood by you or all the things that helped you along the way. Whatever you're doing with your life right now...I hope it's what you want to do and not what society/ rents want you to do. And when you do get this letter...do me a favor...write a new one.... Forever lost, A desperate creature, A sad human.