A letter from December 30th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I decided to try writing to myself in five years. Knowing you, you will still have the same email, so let's hope this finds its way to you. I really hope that you are doing well and that things have gotten at least a bit better for you...for everyone really. Is Grandpa still around? Right now, between the Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, he isn't doing so well...Grandma is basically destroying herself and refusing to let anyone help, he get's violent with her and doesn't want to eat much either. M and N are living with her still, with the baby. They never help out even though they boast to everyone that they do everything for her. M's Kids still live with Mom and I. Our stepfather T is still doing dumb ****, then again he is a drug addict...has been for years but we can't get him to leave and mom won't start looking for a way to force him... I am still fighting with SSI to get my benefits back. I just don't know what to do anymore honestly. Especially with the pandemic going on, I could really use the money. On an upside I did start painting this year. I also started making CP soap, which I am hoping to sell! I can't really work so I have some small hope that this will end up being something like a job for me. M even said her job might want to sell them! Honestly, I don't feel like I have much of a future...Everyone always says how worried they are...I don't want to be a burden so I am trying to find something I can do at least, like soap making. I never expected to make passed 18 and here I am at 28 and I have no clue what to do...I never planned out a future. Admittedly, I am scared. I always felt like I was living on borrowed time, I shouldn't be here and yet I am. I am still alive somehow, so now I have to figure it all out. Find a future when I never planned on having one... My health is a bit better, I started new meds and even got something for the pain. I just started the new meds, though they do already make me feel dizzy and its hard to walk in a straight line but I do hope once my body is used to them, it will all work fine. The seizures are still happening but I haven't had any of the big weird ones lately, so there is that at least! Momo (our corgi) Is still doing well, remember when she almost died from a snake bite this year? Athea (our Pitbull) is still as cute and hyper as ever! She loves everyone so much and her way of showing it is to body slam you lol! Remember when she did it so hard you fell over and even your glasses were knocked off? Nadia (our black cat) is still doing well...given how old she is ( 14 ish?) I don't know if she will be around then but I really do hope she is so stubborn that she is! Lord, that cat hated everyone when we first brought her home but now she is a totally clingy lovebug! Did the pandemic get better? Are you all vaccinated and living a bit more freely five years from now? I am sure you are but its hard to imagine anymore...it's hard to picture what life was like before it started too. Is Ri still your BFF? We have been kinda distant lately, she hasn't really interacted much with others...I know its been rough since her mom passed last year, I wish I knew how to better help her but she leaves far away on the other coast. How is Ro, still friends with him too? How about N? N just got married last year, hard to believe! I guess that is about it...I'm sure I could do on forever but I better not. Listen, I hope things get better for everyone. I hope we figure out our future, find a way to happy and find a job (hopefully a soap shop! lol) that we love dearly. Maybe find someone to love, though that isn't a biggest deal for me. (hard to find someone who is ok with the whole Ace thing, ya know?) I just...want to be happy and healthy if possible~ Stop living in fear and start truly living future me, the world doesn't stop just because you wish it would. Much love - A. <3