A letter from December 30th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I'm writing today, tonight, at 5:03 in the morning, December 24, 2020. (If you have time to read everything I have to say, well thank you for your time ^^ I want to apologize for my not very good English I use a translator as I am lazy to do everything by myself ^^' ) Well, where to start... so why am I writing, for whom, what's the point? I'm "afraid" of what the future holds for me but we'll talk about it later if you want, I'd like to be able to say absolutely everything in this mail, I just want to decompress without feeling judged by anyone, so I'm writing to you, those of you who take the time to read what I'm writing because you and I don't know each other so I'd like to share a part of my life and my many questions about the future :D First of all... let's talk about the current situation, this virus pisses us off even a year later, it doesn't want to disappear. Masks, gels etc... we can't take it anymore. Global warming continues to increase, a lot of things are going wrong right now... It's nonsense. It's a lot of nonsense. There were probably some positive things this year but not enough to match the bad ones. So I ask you, 5 years later, how the Earth has evolved, are we alive, is this virus finally eradicated, has technology advanced? (the Iphone 20 will soon be available), will we have found a solution to this global warming? This is my only curiosity about the future of the Earth. Let's move on to my subject, if you're not interested (and I'll totally understand you) you can go all the way down to read the end or just stop here. I have a lot of things to say in real life but I don't know where to start. Well too bad, I'm actually not doing very well. I don't know why, but deep down inside I don't feel fulfilled, the stress, the classes, the social life, the coming of age, all these things are making me not feel great. I have a rather banal life, I don't complain about it, far from it, I have friends to rely on, a girlfriend, a family, health, food, a roof over my head, internet (logical), a lot of things, in short a rather easy life. However, a kind of sadness overwhelms me. My grades at school are getting worse and worse, especially since last year, I don't think I'll reach what I wanted to become later because of my bad grades but mostly because of my stupidity, I'm not even able to learn lessons properly, I do everything at the last minute, I have a disgusting handwriting, I don't even know how to express myself properly in real life, this shyness that doesn't want to leave, a father who's useless, parents who don't support me. I do everything I can to move forward, I give the best of myself constantly, I want to succeed and have a peaceful future but the difficulty is too great... I am mentally tired. I sleep late almost every day, even I don't know myself. Why am I the only one with so many obstacles like that? I surely deserve it. I have no choice but to overcome them... but will I have the strength to really overcome them and get what I want? I don't know. I can't take this life anymore, honestly. At first glance you might think that everything is going well in my life but no... I'm so tired that I can't cry in real life anymore, I only cry inside. I give an image of myself having a normal life to worry nobody but in reality I need help, or just a little support wouldn't hurt, right? I want to disappear. Not to die or commit suicide, but just to live away from it all and be really quiet. To live in the wild, alone or at least with a pet, away from society and be able to live my life peacefully. I want people to forget me and leave me alone, it's selfish but in the end I will never forget anyone, my friends and family will be and remain a beautiful memory. I often worry one of my friends with suicidal thoughts but I love life, I want to continue to live, every second is precious. However, I am lost in my life, I don't even know what to do later and that's sad, a few years ago I was ambitious, I saw myself as a researcher, having a family etc... but everything is falling apart, according to my reports, it will be very complicated for studies and the sacrifice of freedom will have to be made to succeed, I am still mixed, I have the impression that science is not for me, yet I love science and it is only this field that interests me. I don't know what to do for the future, I have almost no more objectives, what's left for me in the end, nothing, I think. My only dream is to see the Northern Lights but considering how complicated my life is, that won't be possible either. I'm lost in my life, I'm moving forward in a fog without knowing what awaits me. That's it, I've said all I have to say. I feel a little better. I would like to say that I have met wonderful people and I hope they will have all the happiness they want and I wish it for everyone. :) I have a lot of questions for myself in 5 years but I will abstain, only one question worries me: Am I still alive? (Sorry for my English, I had to use a website to be able to translate everything, I hope you will understand everything! Bye)