-2- hooking up with someone else//nightmare

It seems exciting hooking up with someone who isn't Henry. I don't know if that's because I'm bored with him or because it would do something for my ego. Probably an ego thing. Even though every smart, feminist bone in my body knows that jealousy wouldn't be a sign of anything other than territorialism, I'd get off on it. Or maybe he wouldn't give a ****. Or maybe he would and hide it well and I wouldn't even know. Maybe this other person could make me come like he can't, maybe they'd be into all the kinky stuff I'm into and he's not. Maybe it would make him super generous in bed. I'd get off on that. It's ****** up, but it's a power thing. If I've slept with someone else and he hasn't then our relationship is more 'casual' for me than him. It's also a weird sort of insurance where if he sleeps with someone else than oh, that's not a big deal because so did I. ... I had a nightmare last night. There was a dead body in the house and mum wanted to see it. I wanted to leave it in a room and close the door but she kept insisting and I wanted to close the door but not before she'd left the room with the body in it but she just stayed and stayed and I insisted and she didn't listen. Then I woke up. It was 6 am; the middle of the night for me but I could here mum downstairs getting ready for work. I went downstairs, told her I had a nightmare (didn't tell her everything that happened in it) and we both drank tea on the sofas and talked. She said she'd been thinking about my mental health stuff and how her and dad didn't know what they were talking about. I said "That's not what I said" she said "No but you're right, we don't get it and I have research to do" I said I appreciated it. I really, really did. We talked for a while, about how addictive social media is and a bunch of other stuff. We talked for maybe an hour and then I went back upstairs to get more sleep.