A letter from December 28th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hi ahahahah this is weird. I'm writing in english cause u better still know how to ******* understand it tree years from now or I'll be disapointed. Nevertheless, if I make any mistakes I'mma blame it on being 2.16 am :) Well, let's start. I'm writing this in my room in your parents house, laying on my bed since i was a kid, listening to music, Mac Miller - Come back to Earth. We can start there, such an important part of my life. We both know we didn't find this passion early on the day but it's growing. Just wanna leave this written here, don´t judge a music on the first time u hear it, the best music of you life may not be the one u expect and don´t EVER forget classic hits from the 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s please cause they have a very special place in my hearth. But if u wanna feel a little nostalgic go listen to "Savage" Meghan Thee Stallion or "No time to die" Billie Eilish or even "Goosebumps" by Travis Scott, it's not from this year but it's the one I've listened the most lately. (Fun fact, I'm actually just currently trying to play "nothing else matters" by Metallica on our sister's guittar :') kinda small but works just fine, she actually got it for this year's Christmas, I got AllStars plattaform on black leather.) I don't know how it would be life without music, boring and meaningless. I swear if u can spend one day without listening to music you can take your *** to the hospital cause u ain't okay. Since art really came into your life a lotta **** changed. Music kinda started my vibe back in the 10th grade, crazy ******* year. This past two/three years have been insane. On a good point of view tho. Myself right now imagining my 9th going on 10th grade self is insane. I didn't knew how ******* great this years would be. My impression of myself changed so much but not on a bad way. I can feel the grouth. Probably while you're reading this you're thinking pfff that's nothing but, dude, this was the beggining. In the moment I choose arts I took my firts decision for myself and not for others. That is something my 6th grade self wouldn't even imagine bruh. My mind is so much more openned, developed. (A little brag, I finnaly got the style I always dreamed about, and I take that as a huge form of expression) I actually feel good on my skin right now, not the best but good. There are days and days u know. I'm sure there will be more lows and more highs but please tell me you didn't lose yourself. Tell me, are u still a bad *****? Do you still not care what people say? Do you keep feeling active? Do you keep learning new **** along the way? Are u still rocking classes and grades (by my calculations, on the last year of college)? Are u still dreaming of being an arquitect? Do you still fight with pride, ego, anxiety, trusting, perfectionism? Did u get over any of those? If yes, then I wish u could tell me how but that's not how it works. Or can u go back in time already. NO please DON'T, ****, that scares me. Hell nah I'm not staying in this world till aliens come and time gets manipullated, or robots take over us and the humanity gets in an eternal war. No thanks, I wanna die with real people and unkown things and with the feel that my life was lived to the fullest, even if I'm just a conjunction of molecules in the universe. For real, I'm seeing this technology moving too ******* fast. Like hyper-personalized medicine, wtf are we doing, bruh if I'm suposed to die then LET ME :') can humans sit the **** down and let the destiny or wtv take the weel for once. We are not the center of the universe *******. Besides, I don't think it's even correct to think we are the only life form in the universe that's ******* expanding eternally whayyyatttt??? Annd if you're interested in more https://www.technologyreview.com/10-breakthrough-technologies/2020/ there u go. Oh but we are NOT talking about 2020 without the ******* pandemic are we? AHAHAHAHAHAH *sarcastic* **** where do I start. Probably you haven't forgotten about this yet but I really really hope that in 5 years u don't have to deal with any of this ****. So my world as I knew it before, broke itself apart on march 2020 where we got sent home from school and all jobs because we went on quarentine, and masks and handsanitizer and social distancing. The covid was spreding very fast and all the governaments decided on stoping everything so that we could protect ourselves at home. Honestly it was one of the bets parts of the year. I spent a lot of time with my family and Andre... we'll get back to that in a bit. I got to work on my skills like football, cycling and even socializing. Sounds weird cause we weren't supposed to leave the house but I couldn't resist and got a group of my closest friends to come out with me almost every day, as well as my family. It was quite a lovely weather almost every day so what else was I supposed to do? I'm proud to say I am ******* bomb on football, literally cause everybody that goes on trying to defend my goal always complains. And about cycling, I'm just sad that now on the winter I don't get to do that as often. I could some days, when it's not raining, but I would freeze my butt off so no. I don't have that much motivation, I'm not like our father getting up sunday morning 8am to go cycle. Back to the pandemic now things are different, worst in numbers but better on knowledge and fighting this *****, let me describe our Christmas that happened just a few days ago: my aunt's flat, tree tables along the living room and kitchen to accomplish social distancing, every family in it's own table, my grandparents always being called out because they are not carefull and they are the ones more affected, masks decorated with the face of a reindeer, gifts given with hand sanitizer, the kids not cring about **** about the covid. We really tried protecting everyone and I'm hoping that in two weeks the number of infections doesn't go up. But i know it will... not everybody has the same mentality and that's what's making this **** last so long. If we all understood the sacrifices we have to do to end this ****, it would already be over, but it's too many minds and backrounds and mentalitys and opinions. The only hope nowadays it's the vaccine. Even tho it's still controversial I think people are finally getting on the same move and finding a solution. I just want this **** to be over. Today I cancelled a dinner invite from an old group of friends because of miss rona. Talking about friends, the pandemic really made me see who I have on my side for the worst and the better. Marta you are the *****, I swear if I have to grow apart form this one IM FINNA GO CRY. But yes I do have other people, Maria, Carol, Goreti, Xavi, Ana Clara, João even tho he messed something up very recently. And of course, Andre. ****, I really would like to know what will happen to us two. But at the same time no, cause as I already said, I wanna go with the flow. I'm so happy, I can't describe it. He makes me feel so fine, so found, so full, so compreended, so listened to, so loved. I hope this still persists and if it doesn't, that at leats y'all are on good terms. I don't think such a simple and beautifull soul could ever make you wrong. Honestly, he is my half. Five years of bestfriends and almost (january) one year of lovers. (side note, the music of us both: "More than Words" by Extreme). This relationship really is based on friendship and that's why it has worked so well. We did had to go trough some barriers to get to where we are today and many more will come but so worth it. If this feelings ever change, I want you to know that he is not the center, he is part of you, he makes you happier, better. But you are just as good alone. You are a whole by yourself, and so beautifull in every form. You deserve the best version of you. And I'm proud to say that while in a stable relationship, proud to not lose myself, only finding me more. I am a complex being, you are a complex being and to think everyone is just the same as we are, complex, is weird. But the truth is everyone is looking for the best of themselves along life. And about ourselves, I hope u got to do ****, to go on adventures, to experiment. *****, go ride a motorbike. Go swim on a lake naked. Go watch the stars ate 5am. Go sing on an empty building. Go with your friends skate on an empty parking lot. Go to a club just for the dance. Go smoke a joint. Go buzz your hair. Go compliment a stranger. Go kiss a friend. Go tell someone you love them. Go spread your socials around the city. Go see your favorite singer in a concert. Go take a vacation alone. Go on a roadtrip with friends. Go donate or help a charity. Go send someone flowers. Go sing karaoke. Go have a one night stand. Go spend a day in a museum. Go get your heart broken. Go speak your voice. Go fight for what you believe in. Go give back to the ones how helped you before. Go forgive yourself. Go help the planet. Go rollercaost ride. Go do radical sports. Go do a striptease. Go dance under the rain. Go get a tattoo. Go meet a foreigner. Go get hammered. Go travel. Go meditate. forgive someone. Go surfing. And I mean this, plus don't forget to record it, have the memories, it's something I always do now. As you can see, you can do one of this things tomorrow, there's nothing stoping you. And I want u to understand u have to live like this. On the edge, otherwise you are not living, you are just existing. And, before u die, convince everyone to turn you into ashes cause I don't want anyone to have the last image of me being dead :) okay thanks that is really important. Once I'm dead I don't exist anymore. Well it's 03:59 so i want to get over this. Don't forget, you are the only thing that matters at the end of the day but value everyone and everything that's around u cause they are part of u. No matter what u do u'll always be loved by me. "violet" by Daniel Caesar to end just great. Bye *****, left this as a goodbye https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwr3K2kUnYU&t=339s