A letter from December 27th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, geez, you are really sitting here writing this to yourself. you have been struggling badly and I can tell its taking a toll on you and nobody even notices. you haven't been sleeping, barely eating and just seem to never have a smile on your face much anymore. will you talk to someone about it? probably not. you turned 20 yesterday and the highlight of your day was your dad telling you happy birthday baby, he hasn't told you happy birthday since the day you turned 18. crazy right but I haven't been able to think about nothing else since then because it just makes me feel okay for once. you and your dad might not be the closest but he is still the first man you will ever love. me and amber have become so close this year its crazy how time can change a person. just last year it was me and ann doing the same things me and amber are doing and boy do you miss that. I wish you nothing but happiness as 2021 comes along, I hope you finally meet your soulmate that you constantly wanna meet and love so much, you deserve the greatest guy and love out there and I truly hope you get there life you have always wished for. you got that FaceTime from amber that shattered your heart, absolutely broke it, she lost her sweet little babe and I hated it that she lost yet another baby. its not fair that she hasn't gotten the happiness she deserves. I was so excited to love and cherish that sweet little boy or girl, I was so ready for my best friend to finally have a kid, I was so excited to see her hold her baby for the first time but God has other plans for her and she knows that. you sit here writing this and you are trying so hard to hold back tears but will you tonight when you are laying down wondering whats wrong with you, why aint you good enough for someone to love you like you need to be. have you given up on so many chances to love someone but you were just so scared to love because you don't wanna get hurt but sooner or later you are gonna have to learn to let your heart open and let those walls down that you have built because your heart still aches from all the trauma you have experienced in this crazy thing we call life. I believe that you will be the strong and tough person everyone thinks you are, that strong hearted girl will come through that broken girl and learn to love every inch of her body head to toe whether she believes it or not. you got this meg, believe in yourself <3 I can't wait to see where you are in life in 5 years. happy birthday beautiful