A letter from December 25th, 2020, The beginning of something new.

Dear Future Me, Hey. Writing this letter seems a bit scary. As 2020 begins to wind down and the cusp of adulthood nears, it is necessary for us to reflect. For almost twenty years, life was simple-- easy. Little hiccups presented themselves here and there, but nothing of true hardship. Challenges were almost always overcome. It was not until this summer, that true adversity fell upon our family. That one day at 7:02 in the morning, a knock on the front door changed it all. We have come a long way since that day in May. But it hit you harder than you thought it would. What one might consider trauma, manifested itself as anxiety and a bout of depression inside of you. That video of you sobbing in your car, asking for "not death, but a long sleep" seemed dramatic. But for these past months the anxiety, fear, sadness, and change created a shift in your personality. You saw it, but no one else did. Those nights alone in bed while friends and roommates went out, you cried. Tears of loss, sorrow, and questioning. That moment in May created something you felt you would never receive closure on. And while you considered bringing up your feelings and have pondered anxiety medication, you are unsure if any of that will help. But feelings that were so bitter were met with ones of positive sentiment. Watching your mom show the most genuine compassion and love to her struggling husband was a true blessing. The love she has for her family poured out of her, and showed you how to be a mom. These times lead you to wonder if you would ever receive a love like that from a man. And while Covid-19 forced you to slow down, it allowed for a time of reflection. The ability to still attend classes and work for your degree made you more thankful. Yet again though, what goes up must come down. And now on the days where you feel like you can't breathe you wonder whether this is from the weight of anxiety or the toll Covid-19 took on your body. This year was a blend of bittersweet. And while it s possible to go on and on about this year and the moments that came out of it, it is important to remember the amazing people and memories from the year. 2020 is one for the history books, and I hope that one day I will have a loving family like this one to tell my stories to. I know I will bore grandchildren's' ears like Grandpa does to us sometimes (over Zoom). However, listening is important. Just to stories, to others, or to your own feelings. The living, growing, and acknowledgement of your feelings has given you the closest thing you will get to closure this year. So, instead of living this next year riddled with anxiety and sadness, it is time to begin again and move on. If we learned anything, it is that life is precious. Moments big and small shape who you are and what you will become. Do not forget that, remain grateful, and live for the time being. You are important and worthy. Lots of Love, Your past self