A letter from December 25th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Merry Christmas ! Christmas has always and will always be the most magical time of the year, even if there's no internet, no sky or it just happens to be really lonely. It's a time where you have no business being sad, you have to put aside your worries and just relax and what's wrong with believing that there is not a problem in the world even if it's just for one day. Today all i did was eat a lot and watched a christmas movie called "jingle something". I opened this empty box to a check of £20 and danced as per usual. It hasn't been the best of Christmas' today but it hasn't been the worst. How has your Christmas been ? **** a Christmas aged 22!! I hope there's less limits and more adventures. All the christmas' i've ever had so far was always limited by my parents, no visiting other families and eating amongst the table. With no corona virus and less limits you're probably in one of those christmas edition places like a restaurant where they offer a special christmas menu, in winter wonderland maybe just trying it out everyone already goes there, throwing a lit christmas party where it's music drinks and vibes, maybe just kicking it back with a bae /a best friend in a hotel or something or just kicking ur feet on the sofa and reading a book (**** i hope the **** not ). Whatever your doing I imagine it's just you just chilling and feeling the vibe. You deserve it anyways, it's been a long year, you made it to age 22 and you're **** as ****. I've been going through some boy problems lately, or the fact that I have no boy problems at all. I'm aged 17 and I sometimes wonder am I going to be single forever ? I'm not to eager to get into a relationship, but I am just really eager to know how my love life will play out in my life. Am I going to be so lonely to the point where I have 50 cats living in a council flat, so lonely to the point where I have to resort into becoming a prostitute or am i going to be so lonely to the point I have to force myself to become a bald-headed, tattoo-faced,black-nailed lesbian who takes mans' gyal. Jesus Christ, I pray no. I know I'm being dramatic, one of these days someone that matches my energy will come along and I just have a feeling it's going to be very soon but I don't know how correct this instinct is. Right now the boy I liked has completely aired me and I did wonder if I forgot to rinse my mouth properly when I used charcoal teeth and I was smiling at him with black teeth but I know out of all things I could never in my life do that to myself, I could have either creeped him out with my socially awkward self or he is just a complete weirdo. I think at the end of 16 I have kind of worked my way a glow-up i've noticed i've been attracting the most dopest boys and it's like periodt. I could even attract Mario if I wanted to I personally think. I'm joking, but seriously. I am starting to love myself more and it was so hard seeing everyone else do it. I used to be so envious and upset because I didn't understand how to love myself or appreciate the body that God gave me. I know I am in no way perfect and I pray that I grow into a humble and modest young woman who doesn't rub her ego in everyone's faces but meanwhile what is wrong with a little self-love? Right now i'm alright but when I get to your age I'm probably hella hot (hopefully). So far aged 17 I've learnt if you are going somewhere new always carry a power bank with you. My father has taught me that some rules are made to be broken to and ignored. Speaking of father, I have grown completely tired of him, as in next week I am buying a big £5 piggy bank for when I am aged 22 so I can have enough money to invest in a business which will blow and leave the house. He is never going to change and he is constantly making rules making me regret accidentally walking into the same room with him because he will end up saying something random. Just recently he has prevented me from hanging out with my cousin, Mason because he is a "boy" and I should only hang out with female friends, so you can see the small notion of me becoming a lesbian was no mistake. But no I decide to ignore that rule, I am not going to have *** with my little cousin i think that's insane and even writing this out is insane. I am so disgusted that he keeps insisting that's what will happen. We are two grown children and smart enough to know that it's not normal. He acts like he has never had a female cousin and I have no clue why my mum encourages this. Every time he insists this I wonder... has he??? They make one idea and they are really excited. But aside from my parents, love life and self-esteem. I assume you are in Uni, maybe it's your second year I don't really know about the years and I don't want to even start counting in your head. I know your reading this correcting me like "i've already finished uni", just shut up and listen. How is it been ? I'm not sure how uni goes, only the fun things and I hope you had a lot of that and of course passed. My friend Dami did say that it's like 6form not much harder, if you can handle 6form you can handle uni. Am I even handling 6 form.... This coro coro has got me hell unmotivated and depresssed to do my work and I am so scared to fail. I know sitting down , panicking and doing the bare minimum is not the best thing to do but that is what I have been doing. But I need to go uni because I need to get away. I need to do good for myself and get a good 9-5 job too. How is your hair? Your weight ? Our bodies doesn't stop growing until a certain age so I pray your hips ain't lying or I'm about to be big mad and hella dissapointed. Whatever the situation I pray you are happy and you never forget where you come from. May God protect and guide you I hate to wrap it up but I've run out of **** to say, what can I say I'm doing this all for you I guess. See you later girl !