A letter from December 20th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, hey b, i don't have a whole lot of time- about to go out with some friends lol.. i just saw a tiktok about writing a letter to your future self.. i love to write, & i'm waiting in my friends.. so why not lol. it is december 19, 2020. this year have been rough.. to say the least. starting off the year with my best friends dad unexpectedly passing, and days later her grandpa as well. taking care of her, & making sure she was okay was my top project for the first couple months. then rona season lol and quarantine on a 15 yr old dropout isn't fun.. i had a lot of highs this year, and a lot of lows. on october 8th, i was raped. wow lol.. that's the first time i've like said that or even wrote it ig. his name is daniel carter and he's 20. stuff took a turn for the worst right about then. just reliving past trauma, and dealing with new trauma on top of all the pressure i've always put on my 16th birthday.. i can say that.. 16 is not was i expected and there was a lot of anger and hostility there towards him for 'ruining' my birthday.. and although he was have really ****** some **** up.. he didn't ruin me and nothing he did defines me.. it's okay to not associate and not want that in my life. but i am not scared, or angry at him anymore. i don't have or want that negative energy in me anymore. i'm learning to love myself and when i say myself, i don't mean my body- although that is great! i mean me. i am funny, i am smart, i am strong willed. i have a free spirit yet an wise soul, i'm genuinely a fun person to be around, and i'll always go out of my way to make someone smile. i'm learning to see and love THAT part of me. if 2020 has taught me 1 thing.. it is that- i don't know what the future holds.. and maybe that's okay. love u b. keep it safe.