A letter from December 17th, 2020

Hey you, You just figured out the secret as to why you do what you do. Why you think the way you think. Why you respond the way you respond. It’s because every single person in your life has done the bare minimum for you, and you gave them the world. You became accustomed to a life where people do so little for you and you accepted it. You’ve spent your entire life receiving so very little from others. There’s not a person in your life right now that has poured more into you than you. My relationships with men have been the way they have been, because this is all I’ve known. I do everything for them. Whenever wherever. They spend one day with me and I think that’s okay. No! It’s not. These are the basic requirements. They should spend time with you. They should call you. They should want to kiss you. They should remember your birthday and make you feel special. But, I haven’t required them to do so. I accepted this behavior and it became my norm. With this came the weight. The low self esteem. The self doubt. The anxiety. They all came because I never knew that I could ask for more. I never knew that I was worthy of more. I am worthy of more. I’m a Queen. I’m not a *****. I’m that *****!!! So the word for the remainder of the year is standards. I need to set higher standards for myself. I need to set higher standards for others. I need to break this generational curse and heal. It’s time. My king is waiting for me. My king needs me. Have you met him? I bet he’s amazing. I bet that every time you look at him you look back at this moment in time and say wow this is all worth it. Because I bet he smells good. I bet his soul and spirit makes you feel safe. I pray that he is patient with you. I pray that he is kind and understanding. I pray he loves cuddles and forehead kisses. I pray that you can feel him before you even see him. Most importantly I pray that he is every bit of the man that God wanted him to be. I pray you are happy. Love Tay!