A letter from December 17th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Well, here we are at the end of the worst year of our lives, at least according to the rest of the world, but we've known worse, right? You'll be 45 soon. Have you healed? Have you finally let the weight of the past go? Did you find a way to love yourself? Believe that you are worth the effort and time? Did you write a book? You've always wanted to, even now as you type this you want to write something that could change the world, or at least, your life. He's going to be seventeen this year. Is he going to college? Did he keep his focus on learning how to code? Were you able to overcome your own issues and show him how to love himself and be strong? How far have you come in your relationship with your other half? Did you grow together? Find ways to be there for each other and move past all the junk of the past? Is he where you thought he would be? Are you? Did you ever move? Buy that house you always dreamed of? You know when you write this... now, when I am writing this to you, the tears want to come. You want to look back over your life and complain about how much you wasted. How you let the abuse rule everything because you had no self-worth, no sense of purpose, and no belief that you mattered. If nothing else changed in five years, and I hope that isn't true, at least let that be the one thing that changes. It is my sincerest wish that you do not have to suffer loss between now and then, but my hope that you are strong enough to handle it, smart enough to ask for help, and compassionate enough to not shut down. You've always wanted more for your life and you're at the halfway mark now, what's next? Do you get better? Do you keep making excuses? They love you, unconditionally. It's time to love yourself, you don't have forever. Don't let the fear of failure or success keep you from reaching the goals you want. Write. There will be an audience, large or small, there will be those that resonate with it. They can't hurt you anymore. You know your truth. You know your pain. Don't let them destroy the rest of your life.