A letter from December 17th, 2020

To future me: Currently on edge. Trying to find reasons for my mom giving me up for adoption, has taken me to a dark place I feel like I can’t escape. Everything about it feels so wrong. I would like to think there’s a reason for everything, but I’m so lost in this world. I’m not sure what reality is. currently don’t have a single friend but Yusuf. Save me man. Idk who to turn to. I’ve cut off everyone I know. Cause deep down I know I’m not good for them. I don’t want to hurt or feel anything. I just want to be, I know ***** has been calling my name. and I know it’ll be here sooners than later. ***** sounds so peaceful. I’m so scared at the same time. I don’t want to be stuck on this vibration. My family is going through so much right now. I’m scared I’m going to seriously hurt the ones that I know love me on an emotional level, I can’t even come to bring myself around them. I just want to. be alone, until I can learn to appreciate others. Help me please. I love you. Tarnue 12/16/20