A letter from December 10th, 2020

December 10th 2020 Dear Jamie, Life is hard, I know. These last couples of months you've been in and out of your head. Life has been beating you up and you just feel like giving up. I hope you have grown to learn to love yourself more by the time you are reading this. I also hoped that your wishes and dreams have came true by this time as well. Maybe by this point you are married and you have kids already like the way you always wanted. I hope you are still crafting and sewing like the way you always liked to do. I know you always wanted a home with a big fenced yard for Lychee and Panda. How are they doing? Did they both have babies yet?? I hope you all are doing well. I hope that your relationship with Salvador has really strengthen and the relationship between you and your in-laws are on good terms. Don't give up on his family no matter how how it is to deal with them, they are not perfect but they are human beings with feelings. How are you with your family? Are you all getting along? Has your relationship with your siblings getting better? Don't be so hard on them, their just learning to understand you I'm sure. I hope you're parents are doing well. Did you get to spoil them like you always wanted to? I hope you know that you are their favorite child regardless of how they treat you. It's not their fault that they didn't know how to love you because they grew up too fast. You are a mess and I'm sure at this point you can look back and realize how sad you are back in the days but you know, you chose to live and not give up. You are strong and brave. You made it pass the worst part already and this is just the middle. By this time, I believe you are living your best life. I hope that you are traveling and have pictures of all the places you've been to. I hope you got to visit Thailand and stroll through their night market and ate your heart out just like how you always wanted. I hope you got to visit Switzerland and see the beautiful mountains they have and I hope you got to realize how beautiful your life has been and what a blessing it is to still be alive. Your life has been a mess and you deserved to travel to beautiful places and heal your beautiful soul. Hawaii is always a place you wanted to go to because it's beautiful and is full of all sorts of Asian food. I hope you got to go there and ate at their 7/11 and cry about how good their convenient store food taste like. lol. Maybe at this point you have a lot of babies that are running around for you to chase lol. 7 girls that you always wanted, maybe not 7 right now but you know what I mean lol. What are their names? Is it Emmalyn, Marilyn, Endora, Celeste, Elena, Faith or Maddison? You always wanted to break the family curse so have you yet? Have you got a Christmas tree yet? Do your family eat out every Sunday night? Do you still donate or give back to those who are in need? Remember that God is on your side and so is your great grandma, I'm sure she is proud of you. Do you still think of Hazel? I'm sure she is doing great with her new owner. I know you miss her. She will forever be your first baby. lol. By this time you probably forgot about this letter but it will catch you by surprise you'll be likee " Did I really write this?" but yes, you typed this all out for you. I hope you cry because you came a long way to the future that you never thought you would have lol. Did you get alot of tattoos? I hope you get ones that's not shaded in so in the future your kids get to color in between the open spaces. By this time I'm sure you are living your best life. I know you are trying hard right now but it will all be worth it down the road. You might not understand anything right now but by this point that you're reading this, everything makes sense to you. I hope that everything you've been pursuing leads to everything that makes you happy. I hope you learn to stop punishing yourself so hard for things you couldn't change and start forgiving yourself because you are a human being. Everyone makes mistakes and so can you. I hope you are learning to love yourself and are learning to value yourself. Sometimes when you wanna cry, cry. Just cry, but remember that the world needs you. Some days when you are feeling sad, remember that there are people out there that are in their worst position right now and what you're sad about doesn't add up to it. I also hope that your dreams of being your own boss has became a reality, because. I hope that whatever you do, you do it because you love it. I also hope that you get to sit outside of your beautiful home, sipping on hot coffee on a cold breezy morning with the love of your life on the front porch and watch your children's hop on the bus to go to school. I hope you get your dream home. I also hope you get to travel in your own van life you always wanted to. I hope you get to wake up to your baby kissing you. I hope you get to enjoy motherhood and watch your parents raise your babies with you. I also hope you get to run away from your kids with your husband for date nights and leave them with mom and dad. I hope you got the wedding you always dreamed of and I hope all of your worries from these last 5 years has melted away. Yes, 5 years was a long time but it will fly by so fast. Happy 10 year anniversary to you and the love of your life, so shave and tell him to give you head lmao. By this point you'll be 28 but don't freak out. Sal will be 35 LMAO! Talk about old right? Ew. lol. Anyways, I hope you are happy by this point. I hope you got pregnant each year these last 5 years. You need babies running around. Your parents need babies to run after. Be happy. Stay happy. I hope by this time, you have reflected on this letter to yourself and realize how much time has passed, you have successfully survived the last 5 years lol. I love you, I hope you are well. Live for happiness. Take Care. Love Jamie 2020.