A letter from December 4th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, So, this was a comment on a post on reddit (Do you even use it anymore?) and it was an idea that I liked so much that I got up from the bed (it's 3AM right now) and turned my laptop on (after spending 15 minutes trying to do it from my phone) for, so you're welcome (I think). If you're wondering what's happening in my life right now, It's the third week of college (I'm lagging behind pretty bad right now) and I'm still at home waiting the pandemic out. Chechi's going back to Bombay next week. I'm trying to learn Spanish on Duolingo. I cant drive a bike or a car yet. And I haven't yet tried a drop of alcohol or a puff of a cigarette. And if you're hooked on either of those, then you can **** right off and not read the rest of this, because if that's the kind of person you are now, then the effort that I'm putting into this isn't worth it. But back to the letter. Life's pretty monotonous right now, so I'll just talk about stuff and try to motivate you (because if I know you and I'm pretty confident that I'm not a total stranger, you probably don't have enough motivation to keep you going so I'm going to give it my best shot because, while I hate motivational ****, I can quite confidently say that I'm probably the only guy that can successfully persuade me), yeah? Cool. So, I'mma start with a what's up, because that seems to be my go to to get conversation flowing. Sure it's not a 100% conversation starter, but you can't deny that it has its moments. I hope you're doing well. I hope that life hasn't been too much of a ***** to you. I hope that nothing too terrible has happened, and if it has, if the worst has come to pass, I just need you to know that it'll get better. Now you might not believe that, and to you I probably seem like a naïve kid who barely knows what he's talking about, but I just want you to know that somewhere deep in me, I believe that, and therefore you must too on some subconscious level. Know that, at the point I'm at, I think I've been through some tough ****. Don't scoff at that like I'm sure you're doing right now, I honestly do think that the **** I've been through has been pretty hard. I can't even imagine where you are right now, are you doing well? Are you barely hanging on? Have you gotten better at controlling your vices or have they become your masters? Are you still close to the same people that I am, or have you completely lost touch with them? What's the world like, has it barely changed or would I barely recognize it if I was zapped there right now? How are Amma and Achan and Chechi and Chinnu, I hope they're all fine. Tell them you love them and give them my regards. I cant even imagine what life must be like if something bad has happened to any of them. If you think you're not close enough to any of them or Athu or Aman or Lavu or anybody that you love, rectify that for me would you? It's always hard to write a letter to your future self because you cant even hope to put yourself in the other's shoes in spite of the fact that both of you have the same shoe size (Yes, that's what passes for humour at the point in time that I'm at). I hope you thrived in college. Know that from tomorrow, I'll actually start working to make it so. I know that I can probably be blamed for a lot of things, good and bad, that have happened to you, and if you do blame me for that, I'm sorry, but also know that anything bad that's happened, much like me, is in the past and you can't change it ( rest assured I'll **** well try), so just focus on making the rest of your life better, yeah? Know that even if you can't fix every mistake you've made, you can still somehow reduce the ******-up-ness of said mistake, now that might not be easy, but I know just how brilliant you can be if you believe in yourself. I hope that innocent is still going strong and that the writing is still as good as I believe it is. I hope you've gotten all the TV shows, books and anime that you want to watch out of the way while not letting them control you. I hope you still enjoy football like I do and can still enjoy watching the occasional match even if it's at 1AM. I hope you know all the thing you've wanted to know or are at least striving long and hard to. I hope you've still got a sense of humour and are not as much of a ***** as I expect I am sometimes. I hope you've learnt from my mistakes and haven't continued to make the same ones over and over again. Above all I hope you're decent, with everything that word entails. And if you find yourself thinking, that you'd have disappointed me, know that I could never be disappointed in you, but I will always be the one(outside the family of course) who has the most faith in you. I'll try to write again when I find the time and/or can't seem to find anyone else to confide in. I won't give dates as you know how truly irresponsible I can be in things like that. So (and I'm floundering here) I guess I'll just end this by telling you to make me proud, and I'll return the favor. Have a great life mate. Yours truly, From 5 years in the past, You.