A letter from November 28th, 2020

are you happier now? what i mean by that is, have you reached any of the goals you've been wanting to reach? what did you end up studying after high school? if you even graduated that mess- i know you know, but i want to do that ita course, to then teach in brazil, japan, or even here if that works out. honestly, i don't really know where i want to live in the future. i know the us, brazil, & japan aren't the "perfect" places they're shown to be. & they each have their pros & cons, yanno? i just want to feel useful doing something i'm good at. i hate the fact that i have to be forced to work in the office with my mom just because i'm her daughter. just because she owns the company with dad. i understand that they want their children to inherit it, but... i'm just.. i'm not who she wants me to be. MAYBE i'm lazy or i'm just stupid, but, i don't know. she doesn't even let me choose, or even think about it, just- i dunno.. i also could just be a translator, but, i'm too dumb haha or maybe, i'm an artist! low chance, but it'd be hilarious if i ended up working with smth i never even planned to have a career in speaking of, are mom & dad happier too? did they end up going to brazil anytime? i know brazil is probably in a worse situation than the us, but, i also know that mom going there will hopefully help her to become... better? less traumatized/paranoid, & more human, happier with her life. i'm sure if dad ever went back, he'd be so happy to finally see his siblings & family again gosh that was an emotional thought haha. i just hope they're both alright in the future & yes don't worry i care about my sister too are you still friends with joseph? have you ever met him? i hope to still be his good friend. but i worry that his dad is making it harder for us to stay friends. well, that & the fact that i can't seem to stay up late at night.. or that he may someday just decide to disappear from the internet. it hurts to think that it may all disappear in an instant. the years of friendship & love. but, that's just how it be ig how did that friendship with jessyca & asriel ;] work out? did mom end up taking that away too? i really hope not. i dunno i just i just hope mom stopped trying to control every little aspect of my life. i'm just afraid of her everything i do, could end up causing her to hit me, to yell at me, to just ouch ya know? did you ever resolve that stubbornness when it comes to talking to/about God? it's yikes yeah anyways hope you're havin' a good time =]