A letter from November 25th, 2020

Dear Michaela Alden Glass, This is your conscience. You have been very bad lately. 😡 Just Kidding! This is Michaela from November 25, 2020, and I have some questions for you. How long did it take for COVID to be gone? Did you get it? (COVID) Please don’t read this drunk, you don’t want a hangover. Actually- DON’T GET DRUNK. Be the one person who will drink 20 sodas but will still be sober enough to drive the group home. PLEASE don’t get laid. Are you still a virgin? If not, tell your mother and have her spank you because I have sworn to wait until marriage. If you get pregnant, DON’T YOU DARE GET AN ABORTION. Have the child and take responsibility for your actions. Are you in a relationship? (Please tell me you are still straight because, I’m sorry, but I do NOT want to kiss a girl in a romantic way.) Is the dude hot? Does he have the intense eyes I prioritize? Oop, sorry if you just had a break up. Have you been cheated on? If so, did you follow Carrie Underwood’s instructions from “Before He Cheats?” Cause that sounds pretty awesome. How was high school? I’m just starting it, and it’s all online, so it’s kinda iffy right now. Did you graduate? How was it? Are you still in contact with Jordan and Taylor? Taylor is coming over soon and we are going to paint another wall of my room. Did you get the grey wood floors yet? Also, are you still talking to Aaron and Hope? If not, get back in touch because you still need Hope to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. How about Noah Gutierrez? How is the family doing? Are Noah and Anna engaged/married yet? I’d put money on it that they are endgame, Noey is too clingy to find anyone else. Is Lauren engaged/married yet? Is she still with Javier or has she found a new person? Do you have any nieces or nephews yet? If so, you better be spoiling them or you get a slap from the past. (Please slap yourself if you haven’t. Don’t be too hard, I like my face.) How’s Mom doing? Is she still around? If not, I am so sorry. 😭😭😭😭 If she’s still around, has she gotten remarried? Oh shi- has she moved out of the Wisteria House? DID SHE?!?!?! College. How is it? Did you take a year off for travel? What school are you going to? Are you still doing film? Thinking of cameras, please don’t tell me you have nude pictures of yourself, that’s nasty. Are you still going to church or practicing Christianity? Are you still Republican, or have you legally changed to Libertarian? Who is the president? Dang, you’ve had them for 3 years now, they’re almost up! Was it a woman? A man? Was it 🤮 Kamala Harris? Did Biden die yet? Dowe have our first Libertarian president, or is it still tug-o-war between the elephant and the ***? It must be hard, you’re coming up on the 9 year anniversary of Dad’s passing. How does it feel? Are you still clinically depressed? Do you still remember the sound of his voice? Can you feel his arms around you when you ask for it? I hope you still can. On a happier note- have you broken any more bones? Do you have anymore stitches? Do they look super sick? Oh! You can drive! How is it? Are you still lugging around the ol’ 4Runner, or do you have another car now? Is it totally dope? Have you gotten the tattoo of ‘Monkey’ in Dad’s handwriting yet? If so, was it painful? Have you figured out what you would do for Mom? I think this is enough for now. I hope that you succeed in everything you do, and don’t forget that God is with you no matter what. Your past self, Michaela Glass