A letter from November 20th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hey you. This is a weird letter to write, and I don't know how to start. I guess I'll start by saying I hope you're alive. Right now I've got all sorts of stuff clamoring around in my brain, trying or not trying or trying not to try and I can't tell who's voice is the loudest or who I should listen to. I don't know if I'm giving it the thought it deserves or if my impulses will get the better of me and I'll just go on ahead and do the self destructive thing because I miss it. So many iterations of myself have fought tooth and nail to achieve so much growth. I'm so proud of each one of them, and you too, if you're reading this. I'm not counting on you, I'm not going to be disappointed if all you do is stay alive, so please don't feel bad if you haven't dramatically changed your life. I love you!! I'm writing to you as we near the end of 2020. The world stands unsure of the future in so many ways. I'm sure as you read this you will have more questions for the future than answers for the past! I have to ask questions though. Even though I know it's silly. Did you get married? Are you trying for kids? Maybe it's too soon- I dunno- you'll be 29. How is your relationship with your parents? With your best friend? Go call him now if you still talk- tell him you love him and you're so grateful. I have advice for you, too. I come bearing gifts! No but really. Do the things you want to do. Don't wait around for someone to go hiking with you, or for a special occasion to have a bonfire or make nice food. Life is completely all about those joyful moments- please just let yourself have them. Keep writing gratitude lists. They ALWAYS make you feel better, as grumpy as that makes you. I don't know how to tie this up, so I'm not going to! Love, Your November 19 2020 Self