A letter from November 8th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, If you manage to read this, the Earth is still alive despite increasing climate change and you are still alive despite depleting mental health. Your past self (as I am writing) contemplated between 5 or 7 years. She had decided with 5 years because just as your life flipped 160 degree as you transitioned from ALevel to Uni abroad, you realised things can change quickly. Location of this writing is in your bedroom at your home country. Only possible because of COVID. Had it not been COVID, your past self wouldnt be back in your home country. COVID COVID COVID - it summarised the whole 2020 basically, it consumed the whole year but began to heavily affect the last 9 months of 2020. The human race defeated it by encouraged to stay at home while vaccine is in progress. 5 years later, is the vaccine available? just as scientists predict it would take 5-6 years to develop vaccine? or was it available earlier? Is everything back to the 2019 normal? or is there a free new 2025 normal? is the world okay? are you and your loved ones safe from the virus? I hope the human race is united in closed space again. One of the changes that happened your eczema got worse. It used to be bearable with occasional flareups but instead, in your first year uni, the whole body weeped. It was frustrating, wasnt it? Laying down on your uni dorm at 3am not knowing what to do because you never did experience this eczema state. At 3am, you texted your mother and felt weak knowing you had to go home. Hey my future self, I hope you know it is okay to be weak and seek help from those you know who will know how to deal with your problems. 5 years later, is your eczema better? Have you gotten off topical steroids creams? or atleast lower the strength. At the current state, you are too stubborn to moisturize frequently, it has been a tiring battle trying to fight the itchiness. Have you coped with your eczema better? I hope your dearself knows you are still beautiful with your eczema. I forgot to say, with a toxic household and eczema, it has only made going through day by day harder, wasnt it? On some days, you have thought on what to pack in your bag incase you want to run away from the screamings and fightings. On other days, you thought of how to leave the world painlessly to not burden people. I hope you are happier regardless of the existence of the current problems. I hope you have less overthinking thoughts and happier thoughts atleast few days in a week. I hope you go to bed earlier because you have found peace and easier to sleep. I hope you are doing well.. Hey future self, did you achieve your aspiring career? Even if you didnt get a job yet as an impact from COVID19 availability, did you achieve the title as a CP? or did you go beyond and pursuing NP now? actually, did you even achieve a 2:1 for your degree? Welp I am sorry future self that I am using my time to write this letter for you instead of doing your final year assignment. or did you disappoint with a 2:2 after an investment of 100k? Hey future self, is mental health still a taboo or has the world spoke of it freely? Eitherway regarding your achievement, I hope you know God has better plans. I hope you are happy or satisfied with what youre doing if you have not been able to go into CP. I know you are a flexible resilient person, surely youll do well in any field! I hope you still maintain that quality of yours that your 2020 have. Hey future self, are you still living at 'home'? Has the weather been better? or are there still an ego vibe living there. I hope you are safe. I hope you have kept your little brothers protected, I hope they turn out fine. They lived through alot from a young age and young children shouldnt witness. Anyway, there you go, always thinking of others instead of yourself. Please prioritise yourself! As your 2020 advises, learn to love yourself before you love others. Hey future self, are you still alone? Do you have friends? Did the 3 from highschool stayed? Do you have a partner? I hope you chose wisely and considered what your mom went through. Remember relationships is not a checklist. I hope you find solace within your own company if you have noone. I am sorry this was a long letter but there have been many things going on. Dear future self, I love you and I am proud of you.