A letter from November 8th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Why do they say I put up a facade every time I sit to study? Am I supposed to study or not? What are they expecting from me? I have realised slowly that me trying to better my life by straightening it up is also seen well by them. Whatever I do, they do not like it. So what am I supposed to do? Throw my life away? I cant. Why can't I? Cause I am nothing but a coward. Again they disregard my education and the things I have achieved. When he could not do well in IB they will throw it off and say he was sick. What about me? They will say I just got dumb. But in reality, I was sick too. I still am sick. Just because my illness cannot be seen does not mean it does not exist. ADHD has eaten my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee. My goals are not in my sight because why? Today I was scared of me. THey left to go somewhere. I am alone rn. I was just laughing a minute ago at my mom's outfit and when they locked the door, I could still hear their voices outside. Tears rolled done my eyes the moment they locked the door. Crying in the daylight does not suit me. Does it? Again I was reminded to **** myself when just a few days ago I was daydreaming of a better future. Tears cannot stop now too. I just was happy and was eating garlic bread but I just put in a line and they rolled out one after one. Like those of the ones, you will see in anime. They just fell and fell. I feel so empty. So dead. I just want to die rn. People are just some really sad individuals with no real meaning in their life. MINO - Run Away.