A letter from November 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, So hello ma’am. Lmfao it’s funny how i feel awkward rn even though i’m talking to myself. Uhm it’s October 25, 2020. I’m sure you’re going to remember this year. It was pretty hectic lmfao. So I’m writing this because I wanted to see where my mental health will be in 5 years. By then i’ll probably be in my last year of college (maybe idk). I’m 17 rn, by then i’d be like 22? Idek bruh I can’t count. Uhm so my mental health is at an all time low. Yk I have freaking depression and since it’s the cold time of the year, it’s much worse because seasonal depression (yayyyy). Uhm I have like literally no hope for anything right now. Uhm-wait i need to stop saying wait lmfao. I literally had like mental breakdowns everyday for the past two weeks. Uhm last week I attempted to like... die. Sadly it didn’t work. I took my iron pills because you know... niggas have anemia. But uh yeah I tried to overdose. But no I took it and after i kind of regretted it. To be honest, I’m not scared of ***** itself. I’m scared of the afterlife. Yk uhm at this point of my life, I’m like challenging the thought of christianity. Mainly because of church. I hope that I’ve found a new church or something where I feel comfortable with. Or maybe i’ve started with spirituality stuff. I’ve been into that a lot and tbh i feel like it kind of works. I’ve been like trying to manifest a lot of stuff-well actually no. The main things i’m trying to manifest is trying to get into college and and finding my soulmate. Uhmm idk if the college thing is going to work but i have to believe in it. The soulmate one... i mean like i’ve seen angel numbers a lot and i did a tarot reading on yt and it was accurate so maybe it’s going to work. BUT UHM anyways these days I just feel like *****. like i feel like i’m distancing myself from like my friends ands stuff. most of the time i want to be alone because i feel alone. uhm i feel like i don’t fit in with my friends. they’re all so smart and like talented. i literally feel just like a waste of air. uhm and plus they all have like their “person”. like they’re boo’d up and stuff. well amari don’t got a boo but like she got hoes. niggas be going smack at her and ****. LMFAO no one gives me attention whatsoever. this is so trash. see when you have parental issues and parents who don’t give you attention... but anyways, i hope with all my heart that i’m no longer the disappointment of the family. i hope that i’ve found happiness and ik what i’m doing with my life. i hope that my parents are finally proud of the person i’ve become. i hope that i’ve grown and matured. okkk well this is bye for now :)