A letter from November 2nd, 2020

hey idiot, really well done, ruining all the things we've been working towards. 2020 was looking like the best year in our life. we got into shape mentally. we started getting into shape physically. we met the love of our god**** life. we were getting ready to catch up with the last two years of school that we had to miss. it was going so well. and now we're back to zero. she left us, and she left us for good reason. you know why. it's not even our **** fault. it's just life being awful as always. you've never been a happy person. you've never been a great person either. but with her, we were happy. we actually were able to show that there is a good person inside us. now we have nothing. we'll be back to years of depression, low self esteem and anxiety. there is no reason to continue getting into shape, both mentally and physically. no reason to go back to school. no reason to do anything, as long as life will continue being pure torture. i don't want this thing to be purely negative though. if you're reading this then you're stronger than i thought. i expect you to be dead. if things are going well, ****. well done. but don't be happy about it. you know that life will just **** everything up again. just be ready for it. don't let your guard down, okay? we can't go through this kind of pain again. we can't. you're probably expecting parting words or something of the kind at this point huh? just let me give you this. we still love her. i do and i know you do too. there's no way we could stop loving the most amazing person to exist. i'm sure this brought back some pain. it's what you deserve. i hate you. happy 27th birthday. text her, maybe not today but at least soon. you never know. Ugh, let's try again now. Above is the very edgy, way too emotional version. You're gonna get a better one. I guess you deserve one, if we were to ask her. So, uh, what's up? How awkward. I mean, you read all the **** above. You know what's going on. She left us a few days ago and it still hurts like nothing ever has. You've lost people, you've lost friends, you've lost loved ones, partners, family. Still nothing has ever hurt like this. I'm sure you can still feel it when you're reading this. Our brain just works like that. It doesn't forget. I hope you two worked something out. You might not be a couple, but maybe you're friends. Or perhaps you even are a couple. She still loves us, we still love her, so you never know. But you better don't have a new partner. Nobody will ever live up to her. To the way we loved her and the way she loved us. Or still do. And let me tell you, you didn't do any mistakes. It was all up to luck. Or to fate, just life being life, whatever you want to call it. Unfortunate situations. Seriously, whatever. It was out of our power, is what I'm trying to say. Definitely a familiar feeling, right? Life being a ******* ****? We know it all too well. Sorry for swearing. I hope you went through with the school thing. I hope you got professional help for your mental health. I hope you kept up with our friends. Maybe you actually did the roommate thing? We both know how awesome that would be. I hope life is good. I truly do. It'd be about time. We deserve something. I don't want anything too big or amazing for you. I just want a good, simple life. I hope that view on life has never changed. You're an amazing person. You are keeping our friends together, as a group. They all trust you. They love you, and you love them. You made her love you, and you didn't even do anything. You just were yourself. And she really made us the best version of ourselves. Maybe we learned from that? Your family loves you too, even if you don't feel like it. Don't give up. If you can read this, if we've made it here, then we can do anything. If even this insufferable pain didn't bring us down... we can win. We can beat life at their own dirty game. We won't lose to them. I don't know how I could write such different letters at the same time, one right after another. We are weird like that. Or maybe it's just me. But hey, how about you don't change too much? We are kind of awesome. Not to sound cocky. Happy 27th birthday, Dennis. Do something nice. Treat yourself and whoever is close to you at this point. Five and a half years are a long time. Well done on getting through it. And don't you dare forget. Text her. Just text her, dumbass. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing to lose. Everything to gain. Stop reading, go ahead and do it.