life is a blessing

Dear FutureMe, It's been over five years since you wrote this letter. Five years of life. Five years of love and pain, joy and sorrow. I don't know where you are now or what you are doing, but I hope it's all you've dreamed of. I hope you went to law school, I hope you met the man you've been waiting so long for and I hope you remember the people who have helped you and changed you along the way. It is those people after all, whether they are still with you or have since left, that made you the person you are today. A strong, beautiful, kind and loving young woman. If this is not the case, I challenge you to make a change. Call your family and ask them for guidance. Reach out to the friend you lost contact with years ago. Apologize to those you have hurt and forgive those who have hurt you. Life is too short to live in the past and regret the things you did do or might not have done. At the time I am writing this letter, COVID-19 spreads throughout our nation. The election is in two days and 2020 is coming to a close. I live alone, trying to hold on to the little social contact I receive on the weekends. Days are spent watching TV, reading books, texting friends and checking on the news every hour. There's no doubt life is hard, but for the first time ever, I am truly happy. The world may be going to ****, the biggest protests in history may ensue in a few days, I may contract COVID and my dreams of study abroad or internships may not pan out, but I am sincerely the most content I have ever been. I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned about what I want in life when it comes to a career, love and friendships. I learned how to be joyful in the most difficult of times, how to spread happiness and how to use what I learned to help people. It's been a big year for reflection and growth. I guess that's what happens when you hit rock bottom, because I truly did hit one of the lowest points in my life nearly five months ago and now I couldn't feel better. Someone once told me happiness is all about perspective. He said if you choose to look at situations in a positive light, you could never be sad. At first, I disagreed with his statement and while I still disagree with it to a point, there is some truth in it. People have a choice in life to view problems as an attack on them or a learning experience. They can either place themselves in insolation, feeling like the world has a target on their back or think of it as another experience in life to grow and learn. When I realized life would pass me by if I continued to wallow in self pity, I decided to view the pain of this year as the latter. To view it as life. I want to note that while the beginning of this letter may illustrate that I have everything in order, that's not the case. I'm struggling with holding onto potentially unhealthy friendships, I'm struggling with finding a man I could see a long-term relationship with, I'm struggling with motivating myself to do homework and leave my house to exercise and I'm struggling with not crying every day because I don't see my family, I don't properly feed myself, I don't sleep well alone at night and I'm frankly still on medication I should have been off of six months ago. Medication that furthers my anxiety and weakens my appetite even more. There are times my frustration for the person who caused this extended medical treatment and my anger for the many other struggles I'm dealing with reach levels where I can't contain my emotions and I completely and utterly break down. I cry so much my temples are throbbing and my eyes are swollen shut. But there's still so much good in my life that I can't dismiss, so I compose myself and continue on. As I said before, life is hard. I'm holding onto the lessons from the past, the joy in the blessings of the present and the hope for a beautiful future. I hope this letter comes to you in a time of new beginnings. At this point you would have graduated law school and most likely started your first big-girl job. Maybe it's not what you expected and maybe it's more than that, but either way I hope you remember you have the opportunity to change your fate. Merry Christmas, my beautiful angel, ❤️ Katerina