A letter from October 29th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, it doesn't feel like Halloween, I'm sad and lonely this year, but that's just how it is I guess, I'm a "big kid" now, big kids dont do Halloween, especially big kids with no friends. Georgia is having a Halloween party on Saturday. it's Thursday today. she gave me an invitation. I'm not going. I don't want to be grown up. I'm sorry i wasted ur childhood. you deserve better than me. you deserved to have teen years like the movies. I'm sorry that I wasted it laying in bed, crying and not sleeping. I know what I'm doing but I can't stop. I'm sorry, I hope ur better now. you'll be 19 and maybe a half when you get this. 5 more months of being a teenager, right? I'm scared too. people say it's gonna be alright but i have no clue if they are lying. nonetheless I'll pass on the message and hope it means something to you- you'll be okay, and **** anyone who says otherwise. I know you're probably not as mature than I think you'd be. I know I'm not as mature and wise as I thought 9th graders were in year 6. im a bit more educated. but I'm not wise or smart. I still have no ******* idea what the point of all of this is. maybe I will never know. maybe that's okay and I should just accept it. here's to 5 more months🥂 don't be having panic attacks like I do, I know you'll still be the same person when the clock ticks over midnight. stay safe bby. I hope you're less hard on yourself now <3 and to you and anyone reading this, I know it's hard but go get a drink of water, go eat a snack, wash ur face, change your clothes maybe. I'm so proud of you.