A letter from October 26th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, (I put this in one of my past letters, but just read this listening to You Broke Me First - Tate McRae, please? You won't regret it, Yumin :) ) Hi! By the time you're reading this, we'll be twenty-one years old. :) If you don't remember, I'm fifteen at the moment I'm writing this, and for some reason, I felt really happy that I was presented with the opportunity to write to you. Life must be so much better than it is now...I hope. Maybe we have a president that allows same-*** marriage. Maybe we live in a society that doesn't continuously discriminate against people based on their race, gender, and ****** orientation... Maybe we're finally happy and don't cry in the middle of the night because we can't fix things to make us, and others, happy. No? Don't give up hope, please? Six years from now, you should be so much stronger than I am. We don't give up so easily! Even though I'm tired now, I haven't lost hope, and you shouldn't either. A few questions: Do we still listen to BTS? Do we still write? Do we still have our stuffed bunny, Koo? Do we still talk to Angel from the Phillippines? Do we live with Ivan, or are we still close friends? What about Anita? The group from middle school? Okay, just because this is your twenty-first birthday doesn't mean you should get drunk or high off your ***. Remember that time I ****** up in 8th grade and brought beer to school? Yeah, learn from that and stay away from that ****. It's literally not even worth it. I guess you can drink here and there, but I still don't find a purpose for it. Life shouldn't be that hard for us where we need to drink or smoke just to get rid of the weight on our chest, if only for a little bit. Go read a book, go for a jog, write, draw, daydream, SOMETHING, just don't hurt yourself. Diabetes will come and bite you in the *** if it does, dummy. If things went as we hoped, you should be a senior in college. Do we attend SDSU, or did we somehow make it out of California? Ooh! Did we move to Canada?? I've always wanted to move to Canada; I ******* hate it in America. If **** hasn't changed by now, if only a little bit, either consider moving or committing arson because someone's gotta cave. You didn't end up becoming an e-girl, did you? I don't mind if you did; darker clothes always did make me feel powerful and confident, and frankly, dressing to the extreme would break down a bunch of walls that our family lived by stereotypically. Bland, "white-people" clothing. You were always the black sheep in the family; literally, being the only African-American family member. Don't try and fit in with them. Don't try and fit in with anyone. You need to stand out. Dress bold, beautiful, and loudly. Show your power and your confidence and go kick down some walls. (Not literally, I know your dumbass probably would!) ...Are we...happy? In the future? Has life gotten better than it is now for us? I really hope it has; I feel so isolated and confined right now. Like a caged and bridled horse. I'm always stuck under someone's boot and there's no longer much wiggle room for me to be my true self. Hopefully, our age has allowed us better wiggle room. Maybe we've slipped out from beneath that boot and are living freely with no one holding us back. I'm not sure what else to write to you... You're so much older than I am, and I can't imagine how our life is now. I just hope that you wake up almost every day with a smile on your face, and the same determination to fix this godforsaken planet that I have now. Happy Birthday, by the way. This letter should find you on our birthday :) Good luck as a twenty-one-year-old, and for the love of Christ don't **** **** up. If you do, make Ivan smack you for me! And smack him while you're at it! Good luck! Have fun in life, and maybe write a letter to our future self that'll reach us at like...age 30. 40 maybe, I don't know. Some old, cranky age where our back hurts and we're yelling at our husband, wife, or partner to get the kids ready for school. That should be a fun surprise. I don't think I can write for us that far ahead, so I'll leave it up to you. :) Don't disappoint me, dork. I'll see you around...