A letter from October 25th, 2020

Dear myself, Hello. Today is a wonderful, sunny day with the perfect weather for a nice picnic out. But of course, I can't go out for a picnic because it's still in the middle of a pandemic. 2020 is a very, very weird year. Five more days and it would be my one year anniversary of studying in another land away from home. Being here still feels surreal. The ending 2020 is also surreal. I am surreal. ****. This year is all about growth and discovery. I learnt that I cannot do without love. I've tried to fool myself into thinking that I can still be fine even away from my parents, the only people in the world who will love my every single pore of my being. They might even love me more than I love myself. I thought love is just an ornament in our dull and transient lives. But now I know I cannot live without love. Love gives us life. Without love, a person might still be alive, but his heart will slowly die, little by little, inside, until he is nothing but an empty shell, devoid of the essence of life. Love is like oxygen. We'll wither and crumble into nothing without it. So please, always open up your heart to love. Don't shut yourself inside your stone tower. Though hopeless, though loveless, though empty the world may be, there is still a little ray of light shining somewhere in the world. To quote Max Ehrmann from his poem Desiderata, 'It is still a beautiful world.' And I know opening up your heart, baring your naked, vulnerable soul to the world, is terrifying. I had not had my heart trampled on before, but I have endured my heart being prickled by needles. And this has already made me want to hide from the world. I know that there is more to come. My heart will be shattered and shattered and shattered a thousand more times. It's an inevitable thing. I can feel that truth echoing in my bones. But please always know that you must still put the pieces of your heart back together, and still bare it to the world. No matter what. Because one day, one fine day, after all the waiting and pain, someone will come and cup your heart in his hands and cherish it. Perhaps that person might be you yourself. Who knows? All the scars will not disappear, but they will become the memorial of your strength. Time heals all wounds. You will grow and grow and grow until one day you can look back at every single thing, every single person, every single place you have left behind and smile faintly and soundlessly let them all go. It is going to be hard and terrifying. But please, have the courage to still be yourself and let others really see you. Don't hide yourself in an illusion. Because you are glorious and beautiful. Always and forever. Love, Me.