A letter from October 24th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hey, how's life? Right now I'm sitting in the room, writing this letter, just imagining where you are right now. In 5 years I'm gonna be 20! Only 5! I'm honesty horrified for the future. I don't even want to imagine starting to move away from my friends and family, especially Abigail. Whenever I think about losing her my heart hurts. I'm scared to be out into the world alone. I don't have that much close friends right now and sometimes I get lonely. Maren will always be my bestie though too. The thought of not having any friends when I'm older scares me. I don't want my life to start being boring by the time I'm 30. Hopefully by the time you read this letter you at least kinda know what you want, but deep down I know you're still not sure. I feel like I'm passionate about too many things to only choose one. I hope you have at least had our first kiss by now, and have actually had some kind of relationship. It's hard to watch Abigail be so happy with someone else. I'm so used to her being happy about me. I've always felt that way, I don't want to let her go but I know one day some guy is gonna win her over and he gets to spend the rest of his life with her. Anyway, let's get away from that topic it's hurting me just typing that out. Right now I'm in 9th grade. Freshie year!! It's actually not that bad. I am really worried about basketball though. I don't want to be the weakest anymore. When I play with even just my grade I feel so intimidated by them. I have no clue how I'm gonna catch up, I'm just gonna have to try my best. I know for sure I am not doing basketball in college though, even though I love the game it stresses me out. One of my biggest regrets right now is that I never got into volleyball. I think I could've been a good setter or libero. Omg, I need to talk about shows. Right now I'm getting into anime. I 100% wish that all my 2D boyfriends were real! Like they are so perfect, even though they probably wouldn't even choose me if they were real, I still love them. The shows I have currently watched are, almost done with Naruto (the first series, and omg there are so much filler episodes), Toradora, most of Haikyuu (I want to wait for subbed season 3, and 4), and then I am on season 3 of My Hero Academia. If I were to tell myself last year that I would be into Anime I honestly think that I would look at myself so weird. The truth is I always that Anime was weird and that's what most of my friends think. But it's literally just animated shows. The plots are so good and you are able to animate so many different things then if you were to shoot a live production. Some characters that I simp for right now are Kakashi, Aizawa, Coach Uki, Dachi, Suga, and actually, I don't think that Bakugo and Deku are that bad too. Kakashi will always be my first anime crush and I will never forget about that. I have a lot of mixed feelings for literally every character though. One thing I want to try and change is my style. I really hate my style. I want to change it up so bad and I am too insecure and don't even know where to begin. Maybe when I get into college where no one knows me I can change it up, a fresh start. And kinda off topic but today I had my first behind-the-wheel training and that went good. I hope I get my license on my first try. In 5 years I don't know if some of the people I love are still gonna be with us. I know deep down that some will be gone I feel like. Just know that right now I enjoy every second I get with them. I hope they are proud of me and get to watch me grow just a little longer. Right now I still live with my family and I have no clue where you are right now. But Oliver isn't sleeping with me anymore and that's sad... I always loved his snuggles. I'm gonna say everyone's ages so bare with me, Mom (43), Dad (43), Faith (11), Oliver (1.5), me (15). Ummm.... another thing I should probably talk about is the world pandemic going on right now AKA COVID. I am 100% sure that right now you are still dealing with some sort of COVID issue. If a vaccine comes out I DO NOT WANT IT. It terrifies me that the government would make you put something in your body that you could have no clue of the true intentions of it. But I just know they're gonna find a way to make it mandatory and that is what scares me. They don't make other vaccines mandatory but they might make this little COVID cold mandatory? Something just feels off but I just can't figure it out. People keep saying that they want this to be over but I feel like I've just adapted to it. Like this could go on and I would be fine, it won't wreck my life but yeah it can get annoying sometimes. I just hope that by the time I am graduating from high school it gets to be somewhat normal. Now onto politics. I'm gonna make this short and easy. Right now, right around the corner is the 2020 election, Trump VS Biden. When it comes to what I think, I don't that both of them. But overall I would choose Trump. We have had Trump for 4 years now and he hasn't been all that bad. Biden I personally think is too old for any of this. Biden can't even keep his train of thought right. I know Trump is probably a worse person than Biden but overall I think he would at least run this country better. I have no clue who is gonna win. But... if I'm doing my math right here, whoever is gonna win this year has already been replaced for you. Sooooo? How'd it goooo? Who's the current president? Who did you vote for? I feel like Trump and Biden are both too old for this, their basically boomers. We need younger people. OMG, could you image a gen Z president! I am going to be so happy when that happens. Anyone right now who is my age could be the future president growing. that's crazy to think about. (oh jeez I'm re-reading this and this whole paragraph was not short and easy! sorry) Well, I don' know what more I can talk about. If I get too deep I'm gonna be typing forever, and if I go even deeper into my thoughts I might just end up hurting myself. I will leave that up to future me. You know what I'm scared of truth, what my deepest questions are, and how I feel. I hope you have gotten some of those figured out. I've honestly changed so much just from the time we started quarantine to now, I can't even think of what you're like now. I just know that we are strong. I have goals in life right now even though I'm not even sure what they are. I think these next 5 years are gonna go by fast, I've been thinking about how fast my childhood has gone by too lately. I wish that sometimes I could just be hanging out with Abigail again playing Lion King and being ourselves. I even know that right now I am in the good days compared to what it's probably like for you right now. Something I am scared of is losing people, things, and memories. I want to save every single picture and video there is to keep as memories for when I'm even older. I just know I'm not gonna be able to save them all. Even looking back onto my iPod brings back so many memories, videos, and pictures that I've lost. I hope you figure out a way to save Snapchat memories because that is where I have been growing up for 5 years. My fingers are starting to cramp! Ouch! I still wanna type so much more. But my fingers hurt and I don't know how to say everything I feel. Ohhh... and right now I was just snapping Jimmy and he wanted me to put in his number to here it is 207-572-0914. I hope your doing well. Say hi to everyone for me. If you read this to anyone make sure to tell them this-- Hiiiiii it's 15 year old Maddie. How did I turn out?... well I guess I still have a long ways to go but... how am I when I'm 20? I am doing good? I hope your somewhat proud of me, I try my best. I love you, whoever is hearing this. Okay now imagine this, 5 year old me, 15 years old me typing this, and then-current me 20. Am I okay? I hope so. Know that right now me typing this I am trying to find out who I am and what I want, even though you may have not realized it I get stressed a lot lately. I hide a lot of my true feelings from my friends and family so you guys don't have to worry about me or think that I am weird. Writing this down makes me feel a bit better knowing that future me has hopefully figured some things out. Even though there is probably still a lot to figure out. Okay, actually now this is my farewell. I hope everything is good. Just know that I'm with you right now, thinking about you. Bye. (Oh and Ps I am sorry for any typos, we both know I am not good at spelling and punctuation, and this whole time I have been relying on autocorrect) Bye. See yah in 5 years.