A letter from October 24th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I... Used to be very conflicted. It was either doing music or choosing a job I can tolerate. I don't really like the idea of having to stress about when is the next time I'm going to eat. For an overthinker, I don't think music would be the right path straight away, it will have to wait. I thought I wanted to do nursing, but I ended up realizing that I don't really like jobs that are physically demanding and interactive. I'm trying out computer science and seeing how it goes. I like music, but do I like music enough to do it as a job? I've been thinking about that a lot too. Really, I've been rushing to get school done for the longest. There are people that take gap years and stuff, but I didn't want to do that, I wanted to get things done so that I could finally start my life. Thing is, I still have a lot of my life left. I need to chill with this rushing stuff. Pushing away your passion just a little longer isn't bad. You need to find a way to make a living, and computer science will do that for you. It's less physical work and more mental work, which you are okay with. I'll try to find a job just to keep me on my toes, but college isn't going to last forever, and you will be over with it before you know it. Stop overthinking. You'll get through this. All you have to do right now, is figure out what classes you need for your AA and worry about applying later. You have time. Your life isn't going to leave you. Once I get into Polytechnic, I'm probably not going to have much time to do music, so just put my all into programming! Who knows? Maybe it will be my new passion. Maybe not. The only thing to know is that it will be something I can tolerate and something that will be able to support me and my future family. I'm always trying to calculate time... Time time time, but that's not what I'm supposed to do. I need to stop thinking a lot about that. I'm constantly comparing myself to other people, which honestly isn't healthy. I should be focusing on myself in the now rather than being apprehensive about the future. Whatever happens happens, and I should just keep on moving forward. Onward, new me.