A letter from October 24th, 2020

Dear Future me, how are you? are you still alive? I will admit that I really hope you aren't. things are so hard for me and I'm still so ******* young. I'm not even 13 yet. if you make 2 months and turn 13, great. but please don't make it any farther. I hate this horrible torture. everything hurts. I wanna be dead. I wanna be gone. I want people to know that I'm hurting so much. I want people to know how much they hurt me. It's been the hardest year of my life and I'm so ready to give up. I really really hope that you never make it far enough to read this. school is so stressful. people are so mean. I'm so exhausted. I'm so tired of sleeping all day every day and then crying all night. why can people just be nice? why can't my parents not put everything on me and expect me to do everything correctly and still be fine. I'm tired of my family judging me. I'm tired of feeling so ugly and worthless. I'm tired of always trying to be perfect. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna **** myself as soon as I get the chance. if someone besides me is reading this. it's probably because I did it. I'm probably happy so don't feel bad. I was ready for so long. if I am dead and one of my friends or family members are reading this. know that I was in so much pain and I'm sorry that I was never strong enough. I love you... happy birthday to 18-year-old me, dead or alive :)