A letter from October 15th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Right now you're sitting in Mrs. Pairitz's Anatomy and Physiology class listening to The Palisades by Childish Gambino. Sobie is the sub, so he's letting us do whatever we want basically. Kendall Schneider is sitting across from, talking about random ****. He's cool. I don't forsee any huge long lasting friendship with him but maybe thats my cynical side. He's nice and can be pretty funny sometimes, but I don't know. I'm socially awkward and I think he sees that. I think everyone sees that. The biggest problem in my life right now is the loneliness. The social isolation. COVID-19 is unrelenting on my mental state. Right now half the school is quarantined, and classes aren't bigger than 5 people each. It's been really hard to come out of my social shell that I've built up and maintained all of sophomore year. I was so pumped to do it as a Junior, even got Tabatha Roberts as a therapist. But I don't know how it's going to go. It's still early in the year and there's a lot of uncertainty. Battling my social anxiety hasn't been made any easier by all these COVID safety precautions and restrictions. Right now I spend most of my day sitting at home. Everything is very lonely for me. I can't seem to find any friends... only people I talk to like Kendall and Dominic Marazita and Aidan Schacht and Trey Schurz. Maybe things will change. Grandma moved in a few months ago and is wreaking havoc on our home life. I understand she has dementia, but she's just gotten so mean and crazy. As much as I hate the feeling, I'm finding it difficult to like her anymore. I hate seeing what she's doing to my mom. It's not right. I know alot of it isn't her fault.. but alot of it is. By the time you get this letter you'll be in college. Up until this point I'd only been sending these 1 year into the future each time. I'm trying for a little bit longer now, just to see what happens. I'll still send a 1 year one once I get the one from 2019, so I want to keep this generalized. You're considering getting a job just for the social interaction at this point. Applied for Five Guys, Insomnia Cookies, Longhorn Steakhouse, and Texas Roadhouse so far. Only Five Guys has responded so far, so we'll see. How are your academics going? What college are you at? Are you even in college? Did you find a girl? Or friends? In 2020 you haven't taken the SAT or the ACT yet. It's really worrying... you don't know what's coming or what the future looks like. Everything could turn out great or everything could turn out terrible. The reality probably lies in the middle. I just hope you're happy where you are now. How is the election going to turn out? Biden vs. Trump... its like choosing the shiniest of two turds. You wish you could vote in this election.. just 1 year away.. but you're also partly glad you can't. It's a ********. It feels like the country is beginning to split at the seams. Hopefully Trump doesn't win though. I wish I had more things to put in this letter. The coolest part about these future emails is sitting back and reading everything you wrote that was going on. But the sad part is that there isn't much going on right now. Other than the world hurtling towards collapse, your life is stagnant. Grandma was the biggest disruption, but you're beginning to get used to even that. No friends, no social life. Loneliness is the pinnacle characteristic of your life right now. It feels like you're missing out on everything around you. Still a virgin, despite the foreplay and stuff you had with Gina back in December and January. Hopefully your next relationships weren't as big of disappointments and embarrassments as that one... if there even are any after Gina. Was she the first and last one? Graduation hasn't even come yet. Writing to myself 5 years in the future feels like writing to an old person. You're 22 now. You've been able to legally drink for over a year. Holy ****. I hope you had somebody to celebrate that occasion with. Don't let loneliness be the pinnacle characteristic of your life forever. I wish there was more to say. Look, I'm just retyping the same paragraph again lol. Oh well, the emptiness in this letter is representative of the emptiness in your life at this moment. Wasnt that an emo *** sentence lmfao. Enjoy yourself, Seth. 5 years ago, you didn't at all. Your family was your social circle and school work was as productive as you got. Hopefully that changed within 5 years, but it's hard telling. Getting this letter today in 2020 would have been like getting a letter from my 7th grade self... and God knows alot changed since then. Too much to recount. Hopefully the same level of change has persisted for another 5 years, and your existence isn't stagnant. Maybe you've started on your path to traveling around the world already. Being in college that's probably doubtful, but we can dream. Is that even your dream anymore? How much has changed that you've created different goals for yourself? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. Your goals right now are to travel to every country on the planet. You're also looking at joining AFROTC, and then 4 years of active duty in the air force after college. Is that the direction you've gone? I guess I don't have much more to write. Love yourself, Seth. It's something you've struggled with for a long time now. Come to accept yourself for who you are, and hopefully others will too. Be confident, dont let social anxiety rule your life. It will get better. Or maybe it won't I don't know. I'm not a ******* prophet. -17 year old Seth. 11th grade