A letter from September 26th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Today is a very very bad day.. Very bad year. I lost my job. We cant go out. We cant do the same things like before. I lost a lot of friends. I lost myself. I feel so drained and hurt and lost and tired. Today and the past few months is so difficult. A lot is going on and i cant stop thinking if i still have purpose in life. I started thinking of things negatively and its really hitting me. Crying almost every night. Gone friends. Gone feelings. Gone self worth. Everything is like crashing, collapsing. Feeling like nothing good is going to happen. I feel unloved, inwelcome, unrespectful, not important and nothing. I feel so much hurt that every time i laugh tears falls down then suddenly laughing became crying. Where ever i look nothing good is going.. i feel so much anger and jelous. I feelblikebi just want to die. I know sometimes that everything will passed. And everything has a reason. But everyday i dont feel happy. I dont feel alive. I feel like im just waking up and go back to bed when night came innagain. Worries, hurts, past, ossues, pride,anger and all negative thoughts running and not stoppong in my mind. I just want this to stop. I feel so tired. And i just feel like noone is goingbto help me. I just wanna die. Ive been throigh worse but i just realized feelong nothing is more terrible than feeling hurt. 5 years from now of i still have the chance to read this, please .... i hope and pray that i will feel better and happy while reading it. I hope i found my purpose or i feel love now and welcome. I dont wish for anything like become a rich or something, i just wanted to be happy.... real HAPPINESS..