A letter from September 26th, 2020

Isabele, for real, i got no clue where you are. No, for real. After today? Not the faintest idea. i just wanted to remind you that today was the best day of my life. And the reason i’m so clueless about you is because today was confusing in a good way. Like when i ordered parmesan sauce in my sandwich at Subway for the first time and it was like *OH* but then i tried honey mustard and it was like ****OHH!!!!***** you know? Like i didn’t think it could get better??? Today i read euphoria. The pilot. I tried to play the characters. It was so ******* fun i don’t think i’ll ever be that happy again. I got Maddy right. MADDY!!!!!! but don’t get me wrong, i was ****. i recortar and god was it AWFULLLL. even for a first time!!!!! my acting skills are literally an insult. i ******* suck. But it’s too fun for me to quit And like, i feel like i’m changing. I don’t think i’m that shy anymore. I mean yeah i’ve been deprived of social interaction for like 180 days now but i can’t do much other than hope that this new me doesn’t fade away when the world gets back to normal. bro i always wanted to be an actress. And it used to make me cringe so hard cause like, be realistic, right? Just not my thing. I get panic attacks from eye contact, how the **** would i ever pull through 59 people looking directly at my eyeballs as i try not to mess up a line????? i’m the quiet kid. when i speak in class people say “wow i don’t think i ever heard your voice” when i caught a cold and gestured to my history teacher that i’d lost my voice, she asked Gabi is that was true and Gabi said “i don’t know, she never speaks anyway” i’m the girl you don’t see there i blend in with the walls behind me i don’t think my high school classmates remember my name. and now i want the spotlight it’s so not-Isabele, y’know?? maybe that’s good i never really liked me. if i act unlike me maybe that changes. it feels good to dream. to know you’re doing something to get where you want to be. isabele, today was a long day. It’s 5am. but i’m happy. so unbelievably happy. i don’t know where you are, but i hope on all that’s holy that you get to feel the way i’m feeling right now.