A letter from September 24th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Hi, I went to the therapist for the first time yesterday, how is that going? Did you stick with it? I hope you did. Are you on meds yet? How are you handling the breakup? Right now it's still really fresh, and it hurts with every breath thinking that I messed things up so badly. Have your eating habits gotten better? Did you stop losing so much weight? Can you fit into those leggings without getting lost? Have you gone thrifting lately? Whats your favorite find? Do your friends still talk behind your back? Are they still your friends? Because right now it feels like they don't want to be. I got a job today. How is that going? Please tell me you didn't mess it up, it's the only thing we've got. Do you want to be alive? Or are you still just existing? Right now all I can think about is how badly I wish I weren't here. I wish I were home. I know a month isn't that far away. But a month ago from today I could at least get out of bed in the morning. Hopefully you're reading this getting ready to go have a good day, or just getting back from one. Maybe things turned around quickly. Reflect on this, ok? It's important to, don't just delete it.

Epilogue

almost 2 years later

I did stick to a therapist however the one I went to here told me to go to conversion therapy so we found...

A neo erettb. No i anmy sdme am. Ni ex esbt nigth het i lcveod’u adn htat ot em apnphdee edfnsir monyera my antccot otshe ist’ ithw am or ont. I fo hintwi pleoep mlsefy trheo oufdn eilv sdiaten i to ladnere nhiwit leryef esinahspp nad. Iemt i ym was eerw roghuth mnhots at trosw ngiog fo atht ifle that the hte. Elef lfie i enrev btu a nwo oyj ofr bforee i eltf. The dna iteecdx ufn to m’i avhe ttelil lgivon gtsinh. Krwo i obtua go alluycta sjtu to ma onti. Bjo msea. Gstnhi tsrehda pnlguil of ybrobapl it isht dseoperins omts het tuo ym me ot mace tgenigt wsa nhew wrnrdegai btu eno eht fo boj. Sjtu ixegstni meor wnta htan i’m ot dngoi ieval utb be lsracenseiy i ont’d. A own i ueufrt ees. Hte sapt ’im fulrgtae fro. Tujs wredemhlevo eth oeesmmtsi serpnet hiwt. I ot ohme lilts whis adh pelca i a lcal. Wheer yutrl enam evre suohe ntikh flet i at iebssed odtn’ mhoe i ym i. Deb out own acn gte i fo. Otn tn’od lsegnggi i earw mi’ myorena utb saprdeiinagp. Kthin im’ i yoka ogdni. Het shti mchu rbeett stlea rvye hnta at wehn rweto i gnoid. .

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