A letter from September 13th, 2020

Dear Future Me, Are you still alive? If yes, continue reading I guess. If not, then I hope the person holding Kai's phone reads this properly (read the last paragraph mayhaps lmfao). Okay. So. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS PROPERLY BUT OH WELL LMFAO First of, are you happy right now? I hope you are. Since I chose to deliver this on your birthday five years from now. Happy birthday, by the way! I hope you're having some lovely wine or something. Or maybe making out with someone. Preferably a woman. Wait, are you still ***? I hope you didn't forget to pay the *** bill. It sucks being straight. (Also reminding you that I'm joking, this is an inside joke of that Crowley meme you saw a few months ago.) Anyway, I genuinely hope you're having a lovely day today. I usually don't know how to deal with things like these, but I wanted to bring you a sudden wave of nostalgia on your 24th birthday. Which, you'll probably push aside and ignore because that's just how you are. Or maybe not. That depends if you've undergone personality changes over the span of 5 years. Hopefully not, you're doing quite well with how you handle nostalgia right now, it's been less deafening. Unlike when you were 16 and all you wanted to do was stay in that age. I hope you're not clinging onto the past. A year ago, you've learnt that the words of your past are fundamentally unrelated to who you are now. This is a mental note to catch up or rewatch Bungou Stray Dogs. That was a lovely anime, you'll enjoy rereading it I swear. I hope you've bought a guitar for Giel. She deserves it, you know? You're probably the best godparent she's ever had. Also, did you buy a new motorcycle? Probably not since you just got out of college probably? Or not? Wow, the redundancy of that probably. Ooh, were you an editor-in-chief for your campus newspaper? I hope you are. That's not really something you're inherently passionate about, but I hope you're happy with what you have right now. Oh, did you apparently date your classmates? That pretty girl that told you you look like someone from IV of Spades. She's really lovely, I hope you at least told her that she's pretty. Ah, did you continue your donation commissions? I hope you're still helping people now. I hope you're not holding back from whatever good is deep inside you. And if you're not, then let this be a reminder to do it again. Art is a weapon you're proud of carrying around. And it's so so helpful to so many people. Use it to your bidding, idiot. Oh, do remember to check up on your friends. I don't know, but they really love you. Even if you doubt it all the time. They really, really love you. And you feel the same for them. They're all the people who made you feel like you're a human being again. So please, check up on them. By the way, make sure you've apologized to Sangyeon. I don't think the deserves this at all. Tell him the truth. Or maybe, tell yourself the truth. Please tell me you're still finding new ways to be happy. No, I don't mean watch another show that will eventually make you have a fixation long enough that you get distracted by your mental turmoils. Did you get a psychiatrist? I hope you did. Or at least take up Walter's offer? Maybe they can help you and your issues. You're not perfect, Kai. Or Callisto. Or whatever name you're going with right now. You're an absolute idiot, and you need help sometimes too. Did you ever visit Jie? I hope you did. They would've loved to see you again, you know? They're probably waiting for you, wherever they are. I think you'll still probably not believe in the afterlife. But isn't that what makes the believers more positive? Because they want to believe that there is an aftermath? That there is something beyond *****? I hope you visit your grandads too. They probably miss you as much as you miss them. Bring flowers. How's your parents? Are they happy? And are you? I hope they're still here when you get this. If not, then that's not something you should be sad about. Go check up on them, they're only looking out for your majority of the time. Tell them I love them, okay? Oh! And how's your retirement plans? Did they change? I hope you're already saving up for that bookshop in London! Also, buy a camera. Or an iPad, you need it. Are you having the nostalgia yet? No? Well then, let me describe your life right now. At September 13, 2020. I started writing this at 11:00pm. You're on the verge of the second week of college. And it's not what you thought it was gonna be. It's online, and you just finished nothing. You've also been putting off some of the commissions you were supposed to deal with. Hopefully, you've gotten on finishing them. You're also on your second week in your new room. Which is lovely. Right? I hope you're not in this room anymore when you receive this. I hope you're in a place where you're no longer obscured of what you can and cannot do. I hope you transferred schools and told everyone else around you that you can literally defeat them in everything. But then again, you can't. That's not how life works. And I hope you've worked on yourself about that. I hope you're no longer planning your suicide, or at least I hope you've told someone about it except yourself. I hope you stop searching for ways to die in the internet. They do not provide proper solutions,they're all too vague. I hope you're no longer trying to **** yourself when you receive this letter. I hope you get over your traumas. I hope you're no longer having intrusive thoughts. I hope you're no longer in the same beach. I hope you're no longer trapped. But if you're dead now, I hope you know that I forgive you. I really do. And if someone you love is reading this right now, or a rando dude who managed to get his hands on this ****, I hope they get reminded of how lovely of a person you are. You've helped the Piston 7 feed their families. You've fought for your country's well-being, as well as helped yourself be more aware of the world around you. And I know you're gonna do more in the future. Or well, I hope you did. That's all for you, Callisto/Kai!! — Your Past and Glorious Self. OH WAIT ONE LAST THING!!!! PUTANGINA KA. And for the person who may have this when I'm dead lmfao that's such a funny thing to write right now when I'm kind of suicidal. But well, if you're reading this, please visit where I am or something. I don't know, maybe I'm 6 feet under somewhere. But please, do me a lovely favor and tell my friends I love them. Tell my parents I love them. Hug my cats. Water my god**** plants or something. I have no idea where I am right now, but just in case I'm dead, I hope you're not. I hope you're still alive and well, and remembering how life is supposed to be lived. And it's not your fault that I'm gone. It's never is. Never was. Don't blame yourself, okay? I love you so much. You're gonna do great today, tomorrow and always! Hugs and kisses, I guess!