A letter from September 8th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Lockdown has been extended two weeks. Sorry scrap that. October 26 is when my life will start to be slightly normal. yes thats right. thats still approx. 8 weeks away. And I'm drained. which sounds silly because i do virtually nothing. Like i do less than nothing. But god does it suck. never thought i would say i want. to go back to work. i want to tell a male stranger that the skinny blue jeans look great on him. but, not for 8 weeks. this means, that i would have had 3 and a half months off by the time i go back. but the thing is, i'm being payed right now. job keeper has saved my ******* ***. but at the same time, i hate it. don't get me wrong. i appreciate it. I appreciate the assistance, but I am being payed more than I ever have, and feeling incredibly guilty for that. Jobkeeper makes me feel like the feelings I have to being off work and being stuck at home aren't valid. The feelings of overwhelmingness, and the feelings of anger are invalid and shouldn't exist. But they do. they really ******* do. they are there, and they are prominent. Melbourne also has the longest and strictest lockdown in the world at the moment. quite crazy to think about that way. it sucks, believe me. But again, even saying that 'it sucks' makes me feel guilty. like why does it suck trish? what more could you want? you sit at home all day and do nothing and every Tuesday $533 gets plonked into your account, with which you save the entire thing. like fuark, find a better time i dare you!!!!!