A letter from September 5th, 2020

Dear Lauren, Happy Birthday! So you probably forgot I wrote this and probably haven't looked back (well I hope so). I'm going to guess you're in Uni or maybe you didn't get in, and that's okay :) You are worth so much more than some grades and whatever happened in the 5 years, I'm proud of you for it! You actually made it to 2025. It's not like I wasn't expecting you to make it but 5 years seems like a long time. You would be 21 today wouldn't you? That means it's legal for you to drink everywhere. You better have a glass of champagne in your hand or at least something with alcohol. Well I bet you're having a great day and hopefully I'm making it better. Remember being 15? Y'know I'm actually loving being 15. (currently obsessed with Draco Malfoy so that's fun). Wait, are you dating someone? If yes then, FINALLY. If no then, ha you lonely ***** :) Sorry I was trying to make this message heartfelt and sweet but well, you know me. So, a bit about myself. I prefer rain over sun, hot over cold, summer over winter, dogs over cats, red over green, rivers over forests, stars over the moon. Still the same? I bet you are. I couldn't imagine ever changing. Oh and want a blast into the past? Listen to welcome home, son by Radical Face and you would be doing the same thing as me. We are now connected, congrats. I sound stupid don't I? Who are you to judge me? I mean you are me. Okay so I expect you are just visiting home for your birthday before travelling back to the very hot and beautiful place you live in where you're studying animals or something. Or maybe you're living in a big city studying medicine preparing to live the high life. You'll get through it I promise. It might seem like a lot of work now but you just have to suck it up and get on with it. That's what dad would say. How is he btw? Oh and mum and Layla? Well, whatever you are doing now, I truly am proud of you for making it that far. Maybe you're a complete screwup with two kids, serious back problems, living in a ****** flat all alone?? Even if that, I'm proud of you for getting through labour? Just a little positive message from you past self. Are you telling yourself you're beautiful and worth every penny in the world every day? Because you should be. You were beautiful then (now as I'm writing this I mean) and you are beautiful now (five years from now). This is really confusing me. I don't know if this website even works. Maybe I'll never get this and these words will just be lost in oblivion. Or is the FBI agent reading this and tearing up. Yeah that's unlikely. Not the FBI bit but the tearing up bit. Wait are you famous? If you are, are you reading this on camera? Because that's embarrassing so stop. Just kidding idk. How's 2025? As you probably remember. 2020 is a **** show. Is the world still a mess. Like is global warming still a huge threat? Guess Greta didn't change much if you are nodding your head. Wait I just realised David Attenborough is probably dead :( Well that made me immensely sad. Just ruined my whole day. Still making up movies in your head? I just realised I'm using a lot of stills. I think I might just ask you some questions. ANSWER HONESTLY. 1.Are you happy? (like actually happy, not content, happy) 2.Did you just lie? 3.What is your favourite animal? (mines a manatee) 4.Commit any crimes? (If no then I'm disappointed) For legal reasons number 4 is a joke :) 5.Get any skinnier? (I'm like a size 12/14 in everything) 6. Did your skin clear up finally? 7.What's your favourite colour? (mines red) From now on I'm going to write the question and then put my answer underneath. Q. What's your biggest regret? A. I haven't really regretted anything yet so idk. Q. Who's your best friend? A. Mines Hazel Q. When was the last time you cried and why? A. Three nights ago because I desperately wanted to be a part of a different reality than mine. I'm getting bored of this life. I want magic so badddd. Q. Who is your favourite person in the world (other than parents) A. Hazel is :) I hope you guys are still friends. If not then text her now. It wasn't a request Lauren. Q. What are you most insecure about? A. My bad skin. It just won't clear up. I've tried everything. If only you could send me a message from the future of the routine that worked for you. Q. If you had one day left of earth wwyd? A. I'd go skydiving because I have always wanted to do that. Please tell me you have been or are planning to go. Make 15 yr old Lauren proud please. Q. What event has changed the course of your life? A. Honestly idk. I can't think of anything. I'm so boring. Maybe taking Spanish for GCSEs. I wish I could message my past self and tell her not to. Q. Do you believe in soulmates? A. I want to. I do. But I don't think I have a soulmate or will ever have one. I couldn't imagine someone being so deeply devoted to me or love me that much. I want to though and I hope your answer is yes. That's it, you made it! I know you enjoyed that. Don't lie. I can always tell when you are lying. I know you :) I went back to school the other day. It was actually alright. I think I have some hw to do but eh, I'll do it tomorrow. I don't really know what to write. Like what's going on with you? Sounds nice. Wish I could be there. I had a really great day yesterday though. I don't know if you remember (you probably don't its pretty insignificant) but for Hazels birthday we went to Moll's house but before we spent ages in Borans park drinking and playing Arctic monkeys and other bands and Katie and I were having a conversation about Draco and Chloe and I were looking at the stars and Hazel and I were talking about her boyfriend. It made me really jealous but I couldn't tell her that. It was overall a really good night. I really enjoyed it. I bet you have had loads of nights like that. I am officially jealous of you. Been through any trauma? Sorry, that probably just brought it all back. But you got through it though so well done! There's always a rainbow at the end of rain. Or some **** like that. Oh god it's 11. I need to get ready for bed. I'm not going to bed now dw. I just need to get ready. I'd rather talk to you though. Wait what if I'm dead and it's a parent of a friend reading this :( Well that's pretty sad. I hope it was a painless *****. I have a low pain tolerance. Or if it was painful, was it at least cool and heroic? Not a car crash hopefully. Watch it be a car crash. Well, I don't know about you future Lauren but is it weird that thinking I'll be dead in 5 years doesn't scare me. It is actually kind of comforting. I'm not suicidal I promise but it is scarier for me to imagine myself being alive in 5 years or 20 or 50. It feels weird to know 21 year old me would be reading this. Y'know? If I am dead then I hope my funeral was cool. Eesh that's awkward. Did you pick interesting flowers though. Like were like cool or boring (e.g sunflowers or roses) oh and hopefully there weren't any lillies. They make me sneeze. Can you read this letter out loud if I am dead so then I can hear it please. Thanks. That got depressing. Anyways. Stop doubting yourself! And this is a sign. Do that thing you were thinking about doing. No matter how wild, okay? I love you Lauren and I wish you every happiness. I hope you see the world in the same eyes I do. I hope you pick out everything beautiful you see when your walking. I hope you feel loved. I hope your heart isn't broken. I hope you get everything you want. I hope you are kind, even when people aren't. But I also hope you have the courage to smack a ***** when they are being ******. I hope you feel comfortable in your body (because you should!) I hope you are smiling right now and if not then smile! Awh look how pretty :) I hope your happy feelings last. I hope you want to live on. I hope your happy, no seriously I do. I hope your heart is alight. But if not... I'm not disappointed. I'm proud. I know I have already said it but I thought I'd do it again. YOU ARE STUNNING. Don't laugh just because other people are laughing. Don't dress a certain way because people tell you to. Don't listen to them, listen to me. Wear whatever the hell you want. Be whoever the hell you want to be and If you ever feel alone or find yourself wishing you were gone, you always have me. Remember that. You will always find me in your memories. Think about Year 8. You were lonely then, you felt like you didn't belong there. Like you shouldn't be there. Well look at me now, I'm happy. It's the first time I've been able to say that, meaning it, in a while. I'm waving at you Lauren and I'm smiling. Wave back and remember you always have yourself. It feels stupid but It'll make you feel better. "Even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair and against our will, comes wisdom by the awful grace of God." Ugh I miss that show. You probably don't know where it's from but that doesn't matter. Just read it. I love you Lauren.