A letter from September 4th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Well, I decided I would write one of these as I am feeling extremely nostalgic for some strange reason. I am also trying to practice typing correctly. I am going through kind of a rough spot, so reflection is actually painful. I spent six weeks of my summer, as I am sure I remember, at TLD, and spent the next four directly after traveling the United States. I'm not sure if I will go into exactly why I am in a rough spot because I probably will never be able to forget as much as I would like to. Mom, dad, and I are at the Tiner's house while they are in Homer with some friends, and my parents are tiling their kitchen floor. We've been here all day long, and I've been bored, but haven't struggled to find things to do. I have felt so lonely lately. We are still "quarantining" from our trip, so I start school three weeks late on Tuesday. Acacia has expressed that our classmates are all jerks and extremely disrespectful to our teachers, so I'm praying that God will help me to fix that. Basically, I'm going to yell at them. It feels like we've been back from our trip for weeks just sitting at home, feeling friendless. Maybe this wasn't an ideal time to write a letter. I should have waited to be in a better mood. All I want right now is a lot of crap food in front of me while I play Dutch Blitz with Acacia and Elesheva on their floor. And maybe Christmas. And to forget about Josh, but we are not going to talk about that. That is going to remain, for the most part, in my head. It makes me feel actually sick. I have said several times that I would perfer Jesus waits until I get married to come back, but I wouldn't mind it if He would just come back now. I'm really sick of this life stage. Okay, time to stop mopeing. I am completely sure this situation is bringing me closer to Jesus and the pain is welcome because of it. I have been reading my Bible in the morning and at night and journalling. I have been trying to use the spiritual disciplines and obey what God tells me to do and it brings me peace. I have completely surrendered to the fact that I won't always get it all right and sometimes I'll just get it all wrong and it spares me from some of the disappointment from when I do. My laptop is going to die soon so I'll send this garbage letter to myself. It's been fun. XD