A letter from September 4th, 2020

Peaceful right?

So, i hear a happy birthday is in order, huh?! Hey old lady, you're now well stablished in your 20s, huh. two years being 20, how does it feel? i'll tell you how i feel now, at the bright age of 21... it doesnt feel real. how did we get here in the first place? who let us be adults? other than the sheer disbelief in me becoming a grown ass person, i also feel underprepared. like i missed a class on it, or a meeting?!?! how does anyone seem to have their shit together but i -we- dont? I guess everybody feels the same, but... somehow i still feel like im being cheated... Well, happy birthday, gorgeous! I know 21 wasnt an easy age. by far the hardest and most challenging time in your life, but all of that happened -the bad and the good, so you could get where you are and be more prepared. I hope life has been kind to you. Right now you feel like it's you against the world, and i hope it got better. I hope you can proudly say you feel like yourself again. I hope you can look at problems and face them with the insane amount of courage you have (and its just been a little hidden away). You are capable of so much, and you will accomplish everything you put your mind to. But one thing you don't do very well is live in the present. enjoy the little things, day to day. And take chances. Do random, spontaneous things on a tuesday, why not? Go explore the city by yourself. Cry on the subway to the sound of a tune that marked your exchange year. Allow yourself to be the main character of your movie. Dont stand by and wait for happiness. you can be happy now. dont wait until you're in med school, or in a good job, or with the right type of friends to do stuff. You have the gift of being you, of being alive for one more year. Dont waste it away, ok? I hope you're more than happy. And let's break the streak of crying and feeling miserable on your birthday, ok? Act like it's just another day, go on with your life and enjoy your company. Hell, go watch The Office bc we both know that thats what you want to do... I wish you all the happiness in the world. And remember: you are enough, you are capable, you are loved. sometimes things dont go the way we planned them. but thats just God's special way of showing whats truly ours. Be brave, young grasshoper. And have a happy year being 22. [also, please dance to 22 by taylor swift. your 13 y.o version would be very proud!]

Epilogue

7 months later

wow... so, hi?
thank you for writing that, it was such a nice surprise to wake up on my bday to a letter from the past. of course im only...

Eazlrdie udcol i lpgyerni to hmsnot gvanih htwi of yanywa tt!es!!ler! oynl uchm btu this won prely os uoy im ufn!!!! nda ot 7 ydela, uyor spat.
All kwno muhc i os het uyo oerm iads uoy tewro hcum atht uyo aemns htnugri nhew histng it, vollye it rewe ohw. Id,k so to peepl,o entffirde twih og ongna nalgcil )it im be fsele em iwerd it ti otw (si leki ?y'u'o. .
Iilgnv onw ym 2,2 my rd23 32dr levia ayer vie cepdteolm mi bc(. . . I lilw ttha nde i neeb i onti peepol cb cngnsfiuo o,d rldeienicb nto pu llllo)l alucytal, eerwhnev tge jstu ahs. Ru,se yrtibahd my of hte eflt yda hme. Orf ythe dan edvalu who lilst and efli aws wchih- eurs elfe ot ym ikmgna lsalycei-pe sahtdryu evrey ridsehehc wodrats dan ytrept htat thwi threi ti oymrlja elef a ti leeebratc aemk riabhtdy nrluetfes htur hemt mi i a usre byh,tadir dan obuta ym frineds tltlie iaynr a i oofgtr kedusc ontpi. Owund etsl itsh eopn not aynaw,y. .
Ryc, gsyi,an t11h hem, astel i i dndit ,so os teh saw ta asw ilek btu. . . Bc !!tnrem?ov?m?eip mi a hhahaah on kgnita inw at,th sa snelyhto it. . . Tihw otn em ahev rgdaee tabrhdsyi wslyaa.
Enbe ha,tth htan fseli' tbu inagzma htore. Onw is rfo ot adn flesi hatt ormf peek 'g,actho veenrisu ognan the i no asryc say uksc say cb ot iangtiw ryve it. Uoy nuf iwlhe it oury adh 'dtales ldag. Bnrai pbybarlo my ubt hsatt efls stinboagag just.
Noigmv no. . . Eth eaehin)!uemenee 'sit fo levle a hte yteh ni tarck de,rpsrsui pveord fdeleu sh'w(o ,em etpexc im to hatt nto mde rfo reeovwh placbae i sihngt of ,nui egrta et?lyonhs tets ogt no it im dogo ohlosc tnio gte a eitnprefoc erdag nad dan hugeno right ttah btu shtat niavihegc. .
Ewns oerth in lew,l. . . Otu )bchti, bnegi nad hvante ot esh' tbu tye nguh i'm i nynuf kid w!n!!???e oeesnom ncei ni a c'ov(sdi ew oyu dlocu ysa essgu nsreop ilslt dan knlgati. . . Odg, sol,a to natoivda eht hwit yirtng atceathtnm eaodrl adn mi it aeld csksu. Gneib rsaeei i veah jtsu elef llipugn wyaa t,emi od lla to nda eilk egatboas ays btu i konw its adn het etq,uhenic hwat owkn nath ot i od ti i naoebaunelrs mi utyaacll ist. .
Ailtain, to !s!iir!nescpa!p i eatdtrs !!!ho! lrena lol. Bssa a fo nad bti het losa. Efli eht fo ngmioecb of iman gaehrc dna my no prjcote cacrhrtea onw ngtaik ttsah eth. .
Tahw eee?seele.
O,oogd ogod amf si eth ef'ils. Nad im payph. Uyrtl papyh. Gone orf all so euy'vo uorhgth nahtk uyo. Abbe, it ,etbret os etitll eoberf egt sti a rothw rarhed egst tub oagnn it its. Uyov'e hist im me npt,io lweaold lfturage reach htat to dan orf.
Nowk fo sotl nad afer g,htrouh go eht naoel eth bieng ,arfleiu ensmei nlifgee cngiuhrs tjsu tath htta you lla nad fo. . . . Onen wlle, thta is tnanprmee of. (nda oyu aveh lofsryue m)!om. .
Nda oyu on!w hntak bey 3< orf.

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