A letter from September 4th, 2020

Peaceful right?

So, i hear a happy birthday is in order, huh?! Hey old lady, you're now well stablished in your 20s, huh. two years being 20, how does it feel? i'll tell you how i feel now, at the bright age of 21... it doesnt feel real. how did we get here in the first place? who let us be adults? other than the sheer disbelief in me becoming a grown ass person, i also feel underprepared. like i missed a class on it, or a meeting?!?! how does anyone seem to have their shit together but i -we- dont? I guess everybody feels the same, but... somehow i still feel like im being cheated... Well, happy birthday, gorgeous! I know 21 wasnt an easy age. by far the hardest and most challenging time in your life, but all of that happened -the bad and the good, so you could get where you are and be more prepared. I hope life has been kind to you. Right now you feel like it's you against the world, and i hope it got better. I hope you can proudly say you feel like yourself again. I hope you can look at problems and face them with the insane amount of courage you have (and its just been a little hidden away). You are capable of so much, and you will accomplish everything you put your mind to. But one thing you don't do very well is live in the present. enjoy the little things, day to day. And take chances. Do random, spontaneous things on a tuesday, why not? Go explore the city by yourself. Cry on the subway to the sound of a tune that marked your exchange year. Allow yourself to be the main character of your movie. Dont stand by and wait for happiness. you can be happy now. dont wait until you're in med school, or in a good job, or with the right type of friends to do stuff. You have the gift of being you, of being alive for one more year. Dont waste it away, ok? I hope you're more than happy. And let's break the streak of crying and feeling miserable on your birthday, ok? Act like it's just another day, go on with your life and enjoy your company. Hell, go watch The Office bc we both know that thats what you want to do... I wish you all the happiness in the world. And remember: you are enough, you are capable, you are loved. sometimes things dont go the way we planned them. but thats just God's special way of showing whats truly ours. Be brave, young grasshoper. And have a happy year being 22. [also, please dance to 22 by taylor swift. your 13 y.o version would be very proud!]

Epilogue

7 months later

wow... so, hi?
thank you for writing that, it was such a nice surprise to wake up on my bday to a letter from the past. of course im only...

Im rpeygiln tpsa hnaivg dan yelrp ywynaa i lcoud to aedrlezi wiht uyor but r!elt!!tes! wno fo f!u!!!n dey,al so nlyo ouy ot ucmh hostmn 7 this.
Emro cmhu ttha huritng all konw i,t you ti you levlyo hignst nhew so trwoe owh idas uhcm uyo msnae erew teh i. To so 'y?uo' elki di,k allcgin tnffeidre )it ierwd (is eefls it it ppele,o og me ihwt angno owt eb im. .
Decoltpme eyar vlaie 23dr eiv ,22 my r2d3 ym (cb givinl wno mi. . . I i igosnucnf pu d,o cb yllucta,a i peeopl lo)llll noti biednelric ahs tath teg edn not wlil ebne ehenwevr sujt. Ady hte tfle of ym usre, hme yhriabdt. A ot yvere etyh lefi my a ruatydhs ti utaob ruse ti asw nad maek tehm htta who adn ibahdtyr ayrhdti,b nyrai ltrebaeec fele sure ofr dkeucs rhut ym hiert drhehceis dualve ttleil aolrmjy ufeltnres a owdtras i and mi ngkmai isndfer tytrpe nda ihtw c-lialespey hihw-c i isltl itnpo eelf togrfo. Eopn ndwuo ltes ont iths ayw,nya. .
Th11 m,he i lkie so satle i ,os ta eth tidnd utb aws giasny, yr,c asw. . . T,aht im inw ti no bc ahhahah agtink yeshntlo a t!evmpe??rm?!nio as. . . Me aswyal dergae hwti hyrabtids tno vhea.
E'fisl but ,athht nmiazga thna eebn troeh. To teh yvre cb i ofr vesunier ttah si on won say skcu oagnn to romf crasy ays efils it keep gntiwai nda t'gch,oa. Yruo lagd fun uoy had atdls'e ewhli ti. Tjsu rlbpaoby ttsha sfle gisntbaago my iabrn tub.
Gvmoni no. . . Cetpex shtnig trkca hte tioepfcnre yhet a leevl to sttah s,epdusrir dme vreewho ti tbu of sti' im not gto dfuele hrigt m,e ngoeuh i,un raegt i lacpaeb adn fo swh('o dna mi gdoo chsloo eth fro toni get ttes atht radeg ni anu)eemeheee!ni niecaighv on ahtt reodpv otnhy?sel a. .
Rheot ,wlel nwes ni. . . But cbit)h, cdolu 'im to cnei dcs'i(vo i dna eoemsno lltis nvetha ynfun a geinb gnhu eyt ays kid out and taginlk gsues oserpn ehs' ew in ?!!e??w!n uyo. . . Im aanvdoit tirgny o,dg het nad edlora eald scuks ti s,alo htiw to mtttceanha. Nipgull ot all say its nath utsj but hvea od i lanoeebnursa riease do i nad ti gbeni allyctua oknw imt,e nkow i fele egbasato ikle het im i,hutenceq and tis i wath to waya. .
Isp!s!r!niap!ec ot i lol etstdra nrela !!!!ho taa,inli. Dna of asbs tib slao the a. Hte mnia of ginkat won emicnobg my rctpejo file gcreah adn sthat het of erhacacrt on. .
Awth e?eeeeles.
Elf'si fma dogo het doog,o is. Nad pyahp im. Rlytu ppyha. You onge nktah urohgth uvy'eo ofr so all. Oangn abbe, ti wrhot tebrte, bereof a segt its ubt ist edrhra so it get itlelt. To ofr crhea t,ionp adn owldale evoy'u thsi im me taht gtfauelr.
Fo faer og just taht know teh orhh,ugt hte nda all tath and eiesnm gnuhsirc fileeng naeol aiu,rlfe eignb fo solt oyu. . . . Atth is oenn ,ellw tnmepanre of. Mm)o! vaeh sfyeulor you (dna. .
Ouy <3 dna atknh onw! for yeb.

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