A letter from September 4th, 2020

Peaceful right?

So, i hear a happy birthday is in order, huh?! Hey old lady, you're now well stablished in your 20s, huh. two years being 20, how does it feel? i'll tell you how i feel now, at the bright age of 21... it doesnt feel real. how did we get here in the first place? who let us be adults? other than the sheer disbelief in me becoming a grown ass person, i also feel underprepared. like i missed a class on it, or a meeting?!?! how does anyone seem to have their shit together but i -we- dont? I guess everybody feels the same, but... somehow i still feel like im being cheated... Well, happy birthday, gorgeous! I know 21 wasnt an easy age. by far the hardest and most challenging time in your life, but all of that happened -the bad and the good, so you could get where you are and be more prepared. I hope life has been kind to you. Right now you feel like it's you against the world, and i hope it got better. I hope you can proudly say you feel like yourself again. I hope you can look at problems and face them with the insane amount of courage you have (and its just been a little hidden away). You are capable of so much, and you will accomplish everything you put your mind to. But one thing you don't do very well is live in the present. enjoy the little things, day to day. And take chances. Do random, spontaneous things on a tuesday, why not? Go explore the city by yourself. Cry on the subway to the sound of a tune that marked your exchange year. Allow yourself to be the main character of your movie. Dont stand by and wait for happiness. you can be happy now. dont wait until you're in med school, or in a good job, or with the right type of friends to do stuff. You have the gift of being you, of being alive for one more year. Dont waste it away, ok? I hope you're more than happy. And let's break the streak of crying and feeling miserable on your birthday, ok? Act like it's just another day, go on with your life and enjoy your company. Hell, go watch The Office bc we both know that thats what you want to do... I wish you all the happiness in the world. And remember: you are enough, you are capable, you are loved. sometimes things dont go the way we planned them. but thats just God's special way of showing whats truly ours. Be brave, young grasshoper. And have a happy year being 22. [also, please dance to 22 by taylor swift. your 13 y.o version would be very proud!]

Epilogue

7 months later

wow... so, hi?
thank you for writing that, it was such a nice surprise to wake up on my bday to a letter from the past. of course im only...

Only with dluoc uoyr shit t!!l!t!rese nad ot nwo ot oyu so gyelpnir nhgvia of yerpl i ywnaay nu!!!f! 7 cumh leda,y im pats tbu adrzleie tmnosh.
Teh shntgi it, ahtt oyu os maesn eewr ucmh ouy nhew roem uoy oeyllv disa rugihnt oetrw all ohw it hcmu onkw i. Gonna lesfe eb me i)t si( ti gcnaill 'ou'?y im ot liek it thiw enifrtefd otw os lpeepo, go id,k dreiw. .
Yrae etmlpecdo r3d2 2d3r ym (bc im my iev won 22, ngivil eliva. . . Sujt i edebircnil ugnfonisc otn teg i llol)ll i hsa thta vrweenhe epople ,do up end bene lwli l,yaalctu ntio bc. Elft eth yad fo my hme bayrdiht e,rsu. Nad maek a dna fele ym it loayjmr adn tietll yaleecl-sip htta efel to fsreenltu hibradty uobat edfrnis gainmk them i wsa ofr heitr eebcrtlea tepytr user htru dan sillt swrotad opint dbty,hiar erus ym it syhtadru how inrya im luaevd a iefl -hwich a kdeusc i vreye yteh hiecredsh roogft whit. Ihts otn udwno yaa,ynw pnoe tsle. .
Tbu ,rcy was so, atles hme, ,sagniy so 1t1h at i itdnd kiel i hte saw. . . It niw tt,ha a setyolnh on itnkga sa bc ahhhaah im en?tvm?rm!pe!o?i. . . Ihwt eedrga slwaay em aevh astydihbr tno.
Hah,tt f'ilse tbu tanh niagzma teohr been. Pkee iwtngai eyvr ofmr ysa i own ngano to no si dan ucsk yas for it ot that crsay ,gh'ctoa bc ilfes snvueeri eth. Ouyr ldga et'dals ahd eihwl you ti fnu. Alpobyrb rbina jstu slef agtgonsbia my ahstt but.
No omnvig. . . Ni evhewro tog tneirefopc rfo mde to efdlue get no dan ttha agret !h)aeunneeemeie mi stnhgi of i the draeg atht paeclba im u,irsdserp cpexte ,em heyt cvhniigae gnheuo uin, the of oloshc dna tghri eevll shtat tis' verpod a ton akctr ti odgo ubt o'hw(s toni tsehnoy?l a sett. .
,well ewns ni ehtor. . . )bich,t but ikd vntahe w?!e!??!n sya nguh nad ncei eusgs nnyuf ety negib ot oonseme we nad 'iosvdc( oyu aliktgn llits psreon i ni a 'im udlco uot 'ehs. . . Tringy aedl nad sscuk it l,oas dog, the ihtw im ot dvntaoai tcthamanet daeorl. Atsogeba sit sti i giben raanoenbsuel utjs quceen,thi the ot sraiee tahn et,mi do kown nad mi i lal gnlilpu leef it i ays aclutyal ikel i ot wnok dan ubt do yawa hvae htaw. .
Oll ot ttsdare !epain!s!r!icsp ,tliniaa i alren !!!!ho. A fo sloa dan eht ibt ssba. Hte fo ielf my teh jrtcepo no tahst of eimnbcgo ankigt adn wno hagcre atrrhcace niam. .
Wtha eeseleee?.
Elfi's afm ogod eht si odgoo,. Mi ppayh and. Ltyru hppay. Rof lla eong so uove'y hhturgo aknht uyo. Tsi bae,b tbu ti get ongna tiltle tgse sit ti eardrh refoeb a rtbe,et so tohrw. Ttha uv'yoe mi creah iths ot em orf pn,iot oedallw aelguftr dan.
Htta refa of iesnme go of dan higcnrsu all iurla,fe biegn gifneel hte dan juts oyu lsto htat olaen teh wkon uh,rtgho. . . . Ttha nneo fo traepnenm si lwel,. Om!m) oyu dn(a srulyfoe veah. .
Ofr kntha and 3< own! yeb oyu.

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