A letter from September 4th, 2020

Peaceful right?

So, i hear a happy birthday is in order, huh?! Hey old lady, you're now well stablished in your 20s, huh. two years being 20, how does it feel? i'll tell you how i feel now, at the bright age of 21... it doesnt feel real. how did we get here in the first place? who let us be adults? other than the sheer disbelief in me becoming a grown ass person, i also feel underprepared. like i missed a class on it, or a meeting?!?! how does anyone seem to have their shit together but i -we- dont? I guess everybody feels the same, but... somehow i still feel like im being cheated... Well, happy birthday, gorgeous! I know 21 wasnt an easy age. by far the hardest and most challenging time in your life, but all of that happened -the bad and the good, so you could get where you are and be more prepared. I hope life has been kind to you. Right now you feel like it's you against the world, and i hope it got better. I hope you can proudly say you feel like yourself again. I hope you can look at problems and face them with the insane amount of courage you have (and its just been a little hidden away). You are capable of so much, and you will accomplish everything you put your mind to. But one thing you don't do very well is live in the present. enjoy the little things, day to day. And take chances. Do random, spontaneous things on a tuesday, why not? Go explore the city by yourself. Cry on the subway to the sound of a tune that marked your exchange year. Allow yourself to be the main character of your movie. Dont stand by and wait for happiness. you can be happy now. dont wait until you're in med school, or in a good job, or with the right type of friends to do stuff. You have the gift of being you, of being alive for one more year. Dont waste it away, ok? I hope you're more than happy. And let's break the streak of crying and feeling miserable on your birthday, ok? Act like it's just another day, go on with your life and enjoy your company. Hell, go watch The Office bc we both know that thats what you want to do... I wish you all the happiness in the world. And remember: you are enough, you are capable, you are loved. sometimes things dont go the way we planned them. but thats just God's special way of showing whats truly ours. Be brave, young grasshoper. And have a happy year being 22. [also, please dance to 22 by taylor swift. your 13 y.o version would be very proud!]

Epilogue

7 months later

wow... so, hi?
thank you for writing that, it was such a nice surprise to wake up on my bday to a letter from the past. of course im only...

Btu mhntso so ylpre lony 7 ucodl eielrzda vganhi yanywa egryplni you isth im of hmuc dna onw iwth edl,ya !ee!!!trtsl pats ot ruyo i nf!u!!! to.
Ewre ahtt hmcu neasm lloeyv adsi hstgni so hwo ortew you more nowk eth i uoy ti, it lla ewnh tugirhn cmuh uoy. Elsef it i(s os ot yuo?'' eolppe, ngaon i)t ciangll eb em irwde ertifdfne i,dk mi wtih og ti otw like. .
Nwo yrae ive d3r2 2,2 23rd my levia gliniv cemlpodte ym im (bc. . . Reevwhen ttah has nridecbile i edn tsuj wlli l)llllo aly,ualct lpepoe gocunisfn cb i up i nbee egt nito o,d tno. Ady idyhbatr fetl eth hme ym er,us of. Iynar atuob ryvee efle vuldae osrdawt dhsautry nda a ilettl erschdieh ti loymjra ahbydtri i,rthbayd a i hrtu ntpio tlisl wsa nda aemk nad ot erus thta ohw rihte feel i ehyt tgofor splealcey-i and ehtm knmgia ym tueelsnfr it rfo ernisdf eberaclte erus ym hwh-ci treypt whti a fiel im uedksc. Ton ltse itsh pone odwun ,ywyana. .
Ta ,so so 11ht but tindd i least cy,r gya,ins lkei aws hte i ,hme asw. . . A ntgiak m?iornpe!?mte!?v win hseoltny bc on ti haahhah sa mi at,ht. . . Me ton twih yawsal geraed vhae ryihstadb.
Atthh, agmianz efi'ls orteh enbe ahnt tbu. Onw to ays ti say slife fro eryv i orfm skcu eht htta is gaht',co ongna rycas ot aniwigt bc on epek adn resuniev. At'sdle ti ouy agdl ryou hweli hda unf. Httas elsf oabpblry utb gnoiatsbag rbnia my sjtu.
Nvmogi on. . . Rtgea oogd apbleca yeth vlele itno ewrehvo tcpeex m,e oholsc adn hte htta a fo gte 'ist nfiorectpe im ttse ot efdlue iruresdsp, vdroep dem on satht sintgh inu, naeum)eniee!eeh fo kctra in ti rgeda im ton ?ehtnyols otg rgith a orf the s'wo(h oehgnu i hatt adn btu vgncehiia. .
Lew,l in other snwe. . . Ocdul tvnaeh nugh utb eh's litsl in mi' pneosr tou (vi'dosc ynnfu i nlitkga a uyo adn tey usesg dna we ?w?!!!n?e sya gbein nooemes kid to neic h)it,bc. . . Vtdoania ,odg tnirgy it cukss oaledr aeld adn ot whti ,asol mi amttecahtn eht. Uct,enieqh efel ot eslbroaaunne i tjsu hte ikle ist ltcaylua i aeatgsob od nath lal utb nda iulnpgl eaeirs nad say kown vhae ti i tahw me,ti wyaa genbi ownk mi do ot i tis. .
Lol to isr!ea!c!npps!i i oh!!!! tsdtera ,litiana arenl. Bsas ibt a slao nad hte of. Eifl nmai opcjrte dan eth agiktn of my no bgenmico of eth gchera rachaetcr ttahs nwo. .
Wtha eesleee?e.
Odoo,g ogod hte is ef'lis maf. Im ppyha and. Urlyt yhpap. So for lla uoy eyvu'o engo hhorgut ntakh. Tre,teb wtorh so a,bbe a ti sti btu errdha ti tis ngnao ltteil eebofr etg gste. Tsih mi thta rfguatel to me adn i,tonp laoedlw yu'evo for rhace.
Lla fo nowk the fo and gchsiunr iseemn eignb fera huto,rhg ahtt het uoy eenilgf dna naoel sutj tols ahtt uer,lfai go. . . . W,lle of mnnraepte si oenn hatt. Yfeosurl m)!om evah ouy nad(. .
For dna htakn !now <3 yeb yuo.

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