A letter from August 25th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, knowing me I'm deffo going to forget that I've written this to myself but at the same time I know 21 year old me will be insanely happy to see this. it weird writing this. I'm sat it my bedroom currently and the corona virus pandemic is still here. I'm so curious to see if this pandemic has completely altered life for us in the future. 5 years is so long so its going to be weird reading back but tomorrow I'm going into college for the first time! I'm so excited to start properly on the 7th September 2020. its a fresh start from the ********** of secondary. I haven't been to the gym since march because of the pandemic and I really need to get that going as soon as I'm back in school. do you still love going to the gym? currently I'm dead set on being a nurse in the RAF or if for some reason I don't get in then midwifery at uni. I hope you were able to get into the RAF and get that life you've been dreaming of since we were 14. right now if I could choose what my life would look like at 21 I would be happy and preferably engaged (young I know but we have always wanted that). I also hope that my career is going as planned and that I'm happy with what I'm doing. its been nearly a week since results day which is mad and that party was a very good one. Henry got to sleep round for the first time after a year and 3 months dating. I feel so stupid asking but what are things like with him. if it ended, how? are you two still on good terms. I know you won't forget him. he was your first love, your first everything. I just hope you've learnt to love yourself and know exactly how well you deserve to be treated because trust me you're amazing. we still have our bad days, just over a year since the big incident at cadets but that also means a year ago today I was in Florida at volcano bay. I relapsed recently after 6 months clean of cutting.i didn't tell Henry but of course he saw when I was getting changed at his. he was more understanding this time and just held me tight. I still feel so alone but recent weeks I've made so many more girl friends I do genuinely feel a bit happier. I just pray that I'm in a good position in 5 years so technically in 5 years ill have finished uni or be well into my career in the RAF. now that is cool. hopefully you've managed to avoid teen pregnancy, even though we desperately want a baby but know its just not the time but hey who knows what you will get up to. how are your family now?right now everyone well and its just the usual arguing with mum and dad. can't forget Maddie and Freddie too and did we ever get that 3rd cat we wanted so badly. although I hope that you are happy and life is going well, maybe this will come to you on an off day and make you smile, or cry, you cry a lot but we will just blame the hormonal birth control for that. I hope you're still funny as ever cracking the worst jokes that people laugh at how awful it is. I hope you're still out there making everyone happy but I also hope you've managed to figure out a way tout yourself and your own mental health first. speaking of which, did you ever get help for the anxiety stuff because girlllll you have issues. ill probably write more random letters so look out for them I love you