A letter from August 24th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, How's your day today? Or tonight is it? Dunno if you forgot about today but i want you to remember it. It's been five years since it happen and I have a lot of doubts. But I know that we know, no one knows I pain. I guess you really haven't told mom and dad about the thing in the seminary. Today, we were lectured about our mistakes. We thought we did something good but it turned out opposite. I don't know how to move on with this embarrassment. It also crossed my mind that we should just leave. Leave from everyone's sight and expectations. I just wanted to be free right now, out of guilt and embarrassment. We really didn't realize our own guilt and why everyone would shut us out. Remember when we thought we have another personality? The truth is, it's us. No one could really understand how we feel about such matters. Don't mind when someone reads this. I want someone to know too even when you try to object. Please, this is a request from me. I just wanted to experience *****, to die out from everyone's sight, to be forgotten from all burdens. We tried so hard but it was for nothing. Maybe this is a punishment. Our punishment. Many will say we are too dramatic but they don't know what it feels to be alone for almost 5 years. No one to rely and no one to trust earnestly. Then everyone would say you shouldn't do this and that. Will we listen? When everyone never listens to us in the first place? I don't know why but I just want to die. Im already crushed from this reality. **** it! I want to shout to the world that I really hate this day. Will someone come to us when we need it the most? Will someone be my shoulder when I have nothing? Such person exists? You know, i just want someone genuine, someone who will always tail you off wherever you go and only you like he is always the reason why he kept forward. But even doing that, no one will. I hope I'm still alive 5 years from now... And this might be my last letter.