A letter from August 21st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I’m writing you today, August 21st 2020, to check in on you. It is currently 7:50 pm. This year has been hectic thus far already. You graduated your bachelor in January. Your contract of your job ended the same time. You were completely ready to take a break and to travel a bit. Unfortunately, COVID-19 came around the corner and you just quarantined yourself for a long time. During this time you did a lot of thinking and reflecting. The question you asked yourself was: do you already want to start your career or do you want to continue studying? You decided to do the last one. You applied for a Masters in European Studies while at the same time applying for part time jobs to pay for your expenses. On July 1st, you started your new job as a Junior Customer Services Specialist and you still enjoy this. It is a lot, but we manage. In just 2 weeks your Pre-Master will start. You’re nervous, but I know you will get through this. As stated in the beginning, I’m writing you to check in on you. The reason is that you have been feeling down for quite some time. When you were 12 years old everything went spiraling downwards. You talked to a counselor at your school, but she betrayed your trust. At that exact moment you decided to never talk to someone about your feelings again. Until today, you haven’t. You have showed some people bits, but nog everything. I know you are ready to talk to a psychologist for years now, but since you are Dutch and live in Germany you want to wait until you move back. This might take a couple more years.. The reason you’re not going to one right now is because you struggle expressing your feelings in Dutch, let alone in German and finding the right words to describe how you feel. You self diagnosed with depression, because you have all the symptoms, even though it’s not the right thing to do. You’re trying your best right now to get through the tougher days, but it is very hard having no social life and no one to talk to. You taught yourself to not give up and promised yourself that the future will be better. Your biggest dream is to become a mom and that’s what we always hold onto. To start a family. Until last year.. You were diagnosed with PCOS, the doctor nonchalantly told you it might be more difficult to have children. Your world came crashing down. Again. But you are still strong. You have done more research on this, talked to more women that also have PCOS, and miracles do happen. You have hope. In 5 years from now, you will receive this email. I am wondering, did you already move back to the Netherlands? On your own? Or do you live in another country based on the opportunities you’ve gotten? Do you have a boyfriend? You have been single since you were born, so if not; find one!! Did you already talk to a professional about your feelings? Is it getting treated or do you still struggle? Is Sammie, your precious dog, still alive? Did you finish your Masters? The double degree or the single degree? What type of work do you do? And most importantly, are you happy in your own skin? Especially because you have struggled with your weight your entire life. I hope you finally found something that works to lose it. I hope you found peace within yourself. I hope you’re less stressed and enjoy the little things again. Because you deserve it, after all you’ve been through. I also hope you managed to meet up with your international friends you’ve met back in 2017 during your studies in Seoul, South Korea. You planned to meet at least once a year, but because of the coronavirus, all travel plans for now and the future are unsure. What about Corona anyways? Is there a vaccine? Did you get it? Do we still have to be 1.5 meters a part from each other? Or did you catch the virus? What about your family? I’m really curious! I know not every little bit is mentioned in the email, but I hope you remember much. You always do. You’re memory is insane. Please do not forget to smile, do not forget to love yourself and others. It’s hard, but you’re strong. You always have been. You’ve got this. We’ve got this. Keep going! Much love, PastMe.