A letter from August 20th, 2020

Dear me, Happy 20th birthday, 🎈 There's a lot I want to say. Firstly if you're reading this congratulations, you're still alive! Let's keep it that way a little longer okay? Whatever you/I have accomplished doesn't really matter. But for reminiscing how about I remind you about my goals as of right now. #1 become a drummer, #2 be a photographer while travelling the world with my band, and #3 be a mod/streamer. Haha remember that do you? Always wanting to reach for the stars. I applied as a mod for skeppy, I know I won't be accepted but even the smallest bit of hope is good for the soul. I'm also getting my drums tomorrow, so I'll be one step closer to achieving our goals. And as I said before, our achievements mean nothing, it's the quality of life that counts, stick to that please. Also there are some things I want you to do: 1. Hug the person you love 2. If you have romantic feelings for someone tell them. Right now. I'll be waiting :) 3. I know you skipped step 2, go back and do it you wuss 3.5...really? You're trying it again? 4. Go on a Ferris wheel by yourself preferribly late at night, and maybe listen to some Chase Atlantic while your up there 5. Promise me you'll try, for us, okay? Some things I want you to remember: 1.me, the 15 year old girl who stays up until the sun shines and pretends I got a full night's sleep as to not worry mom 2.my mistakes, you know what I'm talking about, you're cringing at them right now aren't you? That's okay, remember and grow from them. That's not you anymore, as much as I hate to admit it, you are different than I am now; and you will keep growing. 3.your achievements, I know I said to ignore them before, but don't be afraid to be proud of them. 4. Remember writing this, if not I'll walk you through this. It's 1am august 20th 2020, I've been awake for 20 hours (and probably will be for a couple more), I was watching a6d's stream yesterday, I'm proud of him, he's stronger than I am right now (p.s. as I'm righting this I'm wondering why tf I have the taste of McDonald's pickles in my mouth... Anyways-) I'm hoping you'll be as strong as him one day. But unfortunately him sharing his experience triggered me (f me am I right lol) so I'm writing this to keep me from doing anything drastic/irreversible (for explanation look at the second sentence... Understand?) This is also unfortunately the second time of writing to my future self (at least it's been a couple months since the last time, eh?), I guess this has turned into a coping strategy hasn't it lol. So yeah I guess that's why I'm writing this- 5.remember your priorities, you come first. Always. No exceptions. Do what feels right. And f anybody who gets in your way. You don't need them. -im feeling better so I guess this is the end of this letter, I really hope you get this, I'm curious how different my life is. (P.s. i swear if you didn't follow step 2 I'll build a time machine and f up your life <3.)