A letter from August 19th, 2020

Dear 5 years later me, It was so random to see this email pop in my inbox, I was actually waiting for a letter from a friend, the internet stranger that saw my tweet that I like long letters and wish to have a pen pal, he wrote me that he would like to be that friend, a year later we're still writing to each other weekly letters, I sometimes feel closer to him than friends I've met, we plan to see each other irl after covid is over. Anyways back to present me, this year 2020, the year of covid 19 and quarantine, funny enough it was the year I decided to take control of my life and get my **** together, I'm still in the beginning of the journey now, but tell me, future me, you got to a good stable place in the future, specially mentally and emotionally. This year I started picking my battles, and relationships, I cut off the 2 most toxic people around me, even if one is my mother and I still somehow believe the other is the love of my life. I stopped self harm, I started yoga, still struggling with running but will get there one day, I'm trying to get more quality sleep, eat better, drink water, I put braces at 26 ffs but it's something I had to do a long time ago, I started medication for my skin and acne, I'm taking the hard big steps, it's tough now but I'm sure it will pay off later in life. To me 5 years from now, You were never the planning type, I currently have no idea where you are or what you're doing, but that's fine, I'm not obsessing about the future anymore, I have a good job, I'm working on my routine, and I'm happy single, for now this is enough. 5 years later I don't know what I will have, but I want you to know it's enough, and if it isn't, if you feel you need something else, please go get it, you won't sleep at night until you get what you want and do what you love, this is who you are, you are so stubborn when it comes to things you love, but so indecisive when it comes to loving things, and that's fine, take all the time you need, give yourself permission to worry and cry and feel whatever it is you need to feel, everything you feel is valid, then come out of it with a clearer vision and a more focused mind. I don't care about happy, happy is temporary, I want you to be content and grateful. And since your parents never said it to you: I'm proud of you. And even if no guy ever says it again: I love you. Take care, 5 years ago you.